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Open Letter to Steve Huffman and the Board of Directors of Reddit, Inc- If you believe in standing up to hate and supporting black lives, you need to act

2020.09.25 14:36 VisibleConfusion69 Open Letter to Steve Huffman and the Board of Directors of Reddit, Inc- If you believe in standing up to hate and supporting black lives, you need to act

Open Letter to Steve Huffman and the Board of Directors of Reddit, Inc – If you believe in standing up to hate and supporting black lives, you need to act
Dear Steve,
On June 1, you shared a letter on Reddit’s blog “Remember the Human – Black Lives Matter”. In this letter, you claim “as Snoos, we do not tolerate hate, racism, and violence, and while we have work to do to fight these on our platform, our values are clear.”
As of today, neither you nor any other Reddit admins have shared this letter anywhere on reddit.com. However, the response to this message was swift on Twitter, where you were rightfully labeled as hypocritical based on your long and well-recorded history of defending racism and white supremacy on this site.
Among the many responses was this message from former CEO of Reddit, Ellen Pao.
I am obligated to call you out: You should have shut down the_donald instead of amplifying it and its hate, racism, and violence. So much of what is happening now lies at your feet. You don't get to say BLM when reddit nurtures and monetizes white supremacy and hate all day long
Many others shared links and screenshots of your past statements saying “Open racism and slurs are fine to post on Reddit”.
The problem of Reddit’s leadership supporting and providing a platform for racist users and hateful communities has long been an issue. Nearly six years ago, dozens of subreddits signed the original open letter to the Reddit admins calling for action. While the Reddit admins acknowledged the letter and said it was a high priority to address this issue, extremely little has been done in the intervening years.
On June 5, you shared this update on /Announcements, Upcoming changes to our content policy, our board, and where we’re going from here. In the post, you stated that there is a need for continued adjustments of Reddit’s content policy to address racism and that this remains a priority. These continued statements that you hear us, that this is a priority, or that you are working on it are not enough. It has been five years since your return as CEO and this still remains Reddit’s most glaring problem.
Steve, if you and Reddit genuinely care about the values of standing up to racism and hate, then you need to back it up with real action. As moderators on this website who have dedicated countless hours to keeping this site running, we call on Reddit to take the following steps:
At /AgainstHateSubreddits, we have laid out the many failures of Steve time and again to stand up to white supremacy on this site time and time and time again.
With a website with the impact of Reddit on the broader conversations being held in communities around the world, this website needs real leadership and real action.
We hope that Reddit will not just share empty platitudes — but will take a meaningful stand against hate, and take these recommendations to heart.
This letter is co-signed by more than 200 300 350 430 550 650 800 communities representing well over 200 hundreds of millions of subscribers:
If your subreddit is not listed and would like to sign on, please leave a comment below
/AgainstHateSubreddits
/2cb/
/2mad4madlads
/3dsFCswap
/9M9H9E9/
/ABCDesis
/AbsoluteUnits
/AbyssRium/
/AccidentalBoobGrazes/
/AccidentalComedy
/AceAttorneyCirclejerk/
/ACNHGardening
/AfricanAmerican
/androiddev
/animalsbeingbros
/ANormalDayInAmerica/
/anormaldayinrussia
/AntifascistsofReddit/
/antifastonetoss
/arizona/
/arrow
/ArrowAndTheCanaries
/Art
/AsABlackMan
/Asexual/
/askaustin
/AskBibleScholars/
/AskHistorians
/AskMen
/AskMenOver30
/askphilosophy
/AskPhotography
/Asktransgender
/AskWomen
/askwomenadvice
/asoiaf
/atheism
/autism
/awwducational
/babybigcatgifs
/badUIbattles
/BAMEVoicesUK
/BatwomanTV
/BDS
/Beautevil/
/beautyguruchatter
/BestOfReports
/BethMidrash/
/BiggerThanYouThought
/biggerthenyouthought/
/BikiniBottomTwitter
/blackhair
/blackladies
/blacklesbians/
/BlackLightning
/blacklivesmatter
/blackmagicfuckery
/BlackPeopleGifs
/BlackPeopleTwitter
/Blerds
/bodegaboys
/books
/bootlegtoys/
/boottoobig/
/bostontrees
/brakebills
/BritishAirways
/brownbeauty
/BrownPeopleGifs
/BudgetExotics
/buycanadian
/California
/CallMeKevin
/cat
/catan
/CatInTheHatMemes
/Catslaps
/catswithdogs
/Charlotte
/cheese
/chicago
/Chonkers
/chvrches
/civbattleroyale/
/CK2GameOfthrones
/CocosClassics
/coldshowers
/ComedyBuddhism/
/Contrapoints
/copyright
/CoreCyberpunk/
/Corvids
/coys
/CPTSDmemes/
/CreateA/
/creepypms
/CrewsCrew
/cringe
/cringepics
/CritterFacts
/CrowBro
/Crystals/
/curlyhair
/cursedpipes
/Dachschaden
/dankmemes
/DarkJokes
/dataisbeautiful
/dating
/DatingHell/
/DCTV
/deals/
/DebateAVegan
/deerhunter
/democrats
/DenverProtests/
/DescriptionPlease
/didntknowiwantedthat
/digital_manipulation
/dixiequeer
/DIY
/DnDGreentext
/docproduction
/DogeMine
/DragRace_Canada
/DrawForMe/
/DynastyCW
/eagles
/elliegoulding
/EmulationOnAndroid
/entitledkids
/entitledparents
/entitledparentsmemes
/entitledpeople
/espressobin
/euphoria
/explainlikeimdog
/eyebleach
/facepalm
/fakealbumcovers
/Fantasy
/FastFood
/fatlogic
/Feminism
/Feminisme/
/feminisms
/femmesofdesoto
/FemmeThoughts
/Fitness
/fixtagram
/FlashTV
/Florida
/FloridaMan
/Food
/formula1
/fosterit
/foundthemobileuse
/FragileMaleRedditor
/FragileWhiteRedditor
/freecompliments
/FriendsofthePod
/ftm/
/FuckTheAltright
/gallifrey
/GamerGhazi/
/gaming
/gaming4gamers
/Gamingcirclejerk
/gaminggifs
/garlicbreadmemes
/gatekeeping
/GatekeepingYuri/
/gay
/geckos/
/GenderCynical/
/genderfluid_irl
/Girlsmirin
/GODZILLA
/goodseals
/GreenAndPleasant
/Gryffindor
/guitarlessons
/Gunners
/GunsAreCool
/Hair
/happy
/happycowgifs
/harrypotte
/Hasan_Pike
/Hindi/
/HipHopHeads
/hisdarkmaterials
/HisDarkMaterialsHBO
/HistamineIntolerance/
/HistoricalJesus/
/hitboxporn
/hockey
/HoldMyNip
/House
/Hufflepuff
/humansbeingbros
/humor
/iamatotalpieceofshit
/idontworkherelady
/im14andthisisdeep
/indianmuslims
/industrialengineering/
/insanepeoplefacebook
/instantkarma
/InternationalDev
/intersex
/ios13beta/
/IRLEasterEggs/
/isitbullshit
/jewellerymaking
/joebiden
/JohnCena/
/JUSTNOMIL
/JustNoSO
/Kashmiri
/KerbalSpaceProgram/
/KingkillerChronicle/
/kittens
/kpop
/kpoprants
/kpopthoughts
/LandlordLove
/leagueofmemes
/LeopardsAteMyFace
/Letterkenny
/LGBT
/LGBTnews
/LibDemMemes/
/librandu
/lifehacks
/LifeProTips
/London
/LosAngeles
/loseit/
/Louisville
/mademesmile
/madlads
/MakeMeSuffe
/MakeMoatsGreatAgain
/makeupaddiction
/malefashion
/malefashionadvice
/MarchAgainstNazis
/marchagainstrump
/marijuanaconcentrates
/MarkMyWords
/marvelsavengerproject
/mcdonalds
/MeditationPractice
/mediumformat/
/Menslib
/menwritingwomen
/mfa_irl
/mfacirclejerk
/Miami
/Michael
/Military
/mimirecipes
/minipainting/
/Minneapolis
/Minnesota
/MirrorForSale
/mississippi
/MLS
/ModelUSGov/
/MonstaX
/MUA3
/muacjdiscussion/
/Music
/MuslimMarriage
/NASCAR
/naturalhair
/NewOrleans
/NewPatriotism
/News
/Nextfuckinglevel
/NFL
/nicegirls
/NikeSB
/nj4nj
/NJmeetup
/NJr4r
/NMS_Zoology
/noburp
/NomSaying
/nonbinary
/nonmonogamy
/Nottheonion
/Nr2003
/nsfw_gifs
/NYCFC/
/NYCtrees
/Obama
/OCPoetry/
/OCPoetryCirclejerk/
/oddlymesmerizing
/Oddlyterrifying
/offmychest
/Offroad/
/OKState/
/Omaha
/OnGuardForThee
/orcas
/orlando
/Overseas_Pakistani
/PaidForWinRAR
/PanPorn
/paofacts
/partyparrot
/peoplefuckingdying
/Pete_Buttigieg/
/Phillylist
/philosophy
/phoenix/
/PlayingGuitar
/PledgeToImpeach
/PlusSizeFashion
/Poetry/
/poetry_critics
/popheads
/powerlifting
/pregnant
/progressive_islam
/progresspics/
/punchablefaces
/pupliftingnews
/queers
/racism
/rage
/rant
/rape
/rarepuppers
/ravenclaw
/ravens/
/RebelGalaxyOutlaw
/relationships
/relationship_advice
/rigtours/
/RoastMe
/roosterteeth/
/RPDR_UK
/ryangosling/
/rupaulsdragrace
/SandersForPresident
/ScienceFacts
/sciencegifs
/sciences
/Screenwriting
/self
/selfies
/sexpositive
/ShitRedditSays
/ShittyLifeProTips
/shittymoviedetails
/shouldercats
/Showerthoughts
/silhouWHAT
/skitswedditsager
/skyrimmods/
/skyrimvr
/slytherin
/soccer
/socialjustice
/software
/Solocampingandhiking
/spaghetti/
/SPLCenter
/SpoiledDragRace
/spotify/
/squaredcircle
/StargirlTV
/StayingAtHome
/streetwear
/Strongman
/supergirlTV
/SupermanAndLois
/survivor
/svihs/
/tangsoodo
/TerfsWritingTrans
/thanosdidnothingwrong
/thathappened
/thatsabooklight
/thatsthejoke
/TheArtifice
/theocho
/Tim
/timecrisis/
/ToiletPaperUSA
/traaaaaaannnnnnnnnns/
/trans
/TranscribersOfReddit
/transgender
/transgenderteens
/transpositive
/transspace
/transtimelines
/trashy
/TwinCities
/TwoXChromosomes
/Unexpected
/unitedkingdom
/unpopularkpopopinions
/unsentletters
/vaxxhappened
/vegancirclejerk
/VeganDE
/videos
/Volumeeating/
/voteBLUE
/voteDEM
/watchandlearn
/wearethemusicmakers
/weddingplanning/
/weightroom
/WeirdLit
/whiskey
/whitepeoplegifs
/wholesomeBPT
/wholesomecomics
/wholesomehaiku
/WitchesVsPatriarchy
/wnba
/women
/womenshealth
/WorldNews
/WWE/
/YesFap
/Yiddish/
/turtlefacts
Added as of 6:30 PM US Eastern, June 8, 2020
/EarthPorn
/assholedesign/
/DevUnion/
/ADHD/
/Swimming/
/OpenWaterSwimming/
/onionheadlines/
/dangerousdesign/
/behindthegifs/
/chelseafc/
/ITZY/
/straykids/
/red_velvet/
/GeschichtsMaimais/
/neoliberal/
/TrueCrime/
/TrueCrimeDiscussion/
/UnresolvedMysteries/
/serialkillers/
/DelphiMurders/
/RedditCrimeCommunity/
/nonmurdermysteries/
/mystery/
/FoxFiction/
/RepublicanValues/
/nasa/
/Breadit/
/HoustonF1/
/FairytaleasFuck/
/Instagramreality/
/Botchedsurgeries/
/Portland/
/freefolk/
/cheapguitarporn/
/Babylon5Gifs/
/Hijabis/
/Squidbillies/
/coronavirusAL/
/Aquariums/
/shittyaquariums/
/AquaSwap/
/Goldfish/
/Koi/
/AquariumMemes/
/MonsterFishKeepers/
/AquariumsTestSub/
/KnifeFish
/fishshaming/
/Awwquariums/
/Koi_Keepers/
/Bichirs/
/ContagiousLaughte
/AnarchoWave/
/Lima_Peru/
/Spiderman/
/MakingaMurdere
/TheQuibble
/Hogwarts
/ImSorryScout/
/UtahJazz/
/PublicFreakout/
/peloton/
/AmateurRoomPorn/
/RimWorldPorn/
/carolinekonstna
/breathwork/
/saltlakemetro/
/service_dogs/
/service_dogsofReddit/
/ShingekiNoKyojin/
/sounddesign/
/PromoteYourMusic/
/SpotifyPlaylists/
/musicproduction/
/WrestleWithThePackage/
/Austin/
/alcohol/
/RedditsMuseumofFilth/
/chickflixxx/
/Stellaris
/eu4
/paradoxplaza
/victoria2
/Imperator
/KillerQueen/
/TyrannyGame
/saltierthancrait
/kawoshin/
/SapphoAndHerFriend/
/falcons/
/anime_titties/
As of 1:00 PM US Eastern, June 9, 2020
/Jokes/
/skyrim/
/2meirl4meirl/
/MildlyVandalised/
/HolUp/
/Wreddit/
/SCJerk/
/cannabis/
/hearing/
/German/
/lfg/
/dndnext/
/BaldursGate3/
/SampleSize/
/FireEmblemHeroes/
/fireemblem/
/Splintercell/
/RadicalChristianity/
/RussiaLago/
/WormMemes/
/MHOC/
/GroupMovies/
/littlebritishcars/
/Iamnotracistbut/
/ClassicBabes/
/filk/
/ainbow/
/genderquee
/bisexual/
/PuppySmiles/
/lyftdrivers/
/beigeonly/
/Smithtown/
/boyslove/
/heat/
/Detroit/
/BodyAcceptance/
/ConspiracyII/
/ImpactWrestling/
/Splatoon_2/
/ARMS/
/Snek/
/Mario/
/casualnintendo/
/nintendo/
/cleanagers/
/TheMorningShow/
/borns/
/gwent/
/sleepnomore/
/Philippines/
/OneTrueGary/
/circlebroke2/
/circlebroke/
/SRDBroke/
/kflay/
/Musicthemetime/
/HouseChickens/
/poledancing/
/csharp/
/ESL_Teachers/
/GayTeensVerified
/PrincessesOfPowe
/collared/
/knitting/
/Adoption/
/Delaware/
/productivity/
/NewYorkIslanders/
/sewing/
/BlatantMisogyny/
/mendrawingwomen/
/legosaga/
/thewalkingdead/
/MuslimLounge/
/StressFreeSeason/
/ladybonersgonemild/
/wow/
/worldofpvp/
/Blizzard/
/woweconomy/
/ControlProblem/
/Cinemagraphs/
/angula
/Python/
/americandad/
/Anarchism/
/badeconomics/
/budtenders/
/FiftyFifty/
/mbti/
/mtf
/cdramas/
/nyjets/
/pureasoiaf/
/testoviron/
/spicypillows/
/Denve
/StarWarsCantina/
Update as of 1:30 PM US Eastern 6/8/2020
/science
/505Nerds/
/acturnips/
/ACTrade/
/ACVillage
/ACQ
/HogwartsWerewolves/
/AskEconomics/
/TURKS/
/egg_irl/
/blaulicht/
/AFD/
/Weltraum/
/Stormlight_Archive/
/brandonsanderson/
/Cosmere/
/Mistborn/
/MHOC/
/union/
/RedshirtsUnite/
/Judaism/
/DebateAnAtheist/
/FantasyPL/
/ASOUE/
/socialskills/
/Snowblowers/
/arabs/
/WormFanfic/
/cauldron/
/Barca/
/PeterExplainsTheJoke/
/carscirclejerk/
/begonias/
/antidiet/
/ultrachrist/
/thenewcoldwa
/PresidentialRaceMemes/
/NoahGundersen/
/bassnecta
/ColoradoAvalanche/
/LetsNotMeet/
/tattoo/
/MinusTheBea
/kansascity/
/FoodDiaries/
/belgium/
/belgiumgonewild/
/ik_ihe/
added as of 5:30 PM US Eastern June 9, 2020
/india
/AprilKnights
/dobro
/Ireland
/ptsd
/happyrelationships
/Utilitarianism
/wec
/USCR
/forza/
/portishead/
/azerbaijan
/talkingheads
/Umphreys
/ColdCaseUK
/ActiveMeasures
/skyrimrequiem
/freefolk
/Equestrian
/islam
/ColCraftOfficial/
/ElderGuardianRights/
/GenZ/
Added 10:00 AM US EDT 6/10/20
/BotanicalPorn
/WaterPorn
/SeaPorn
/SkyPorn
/FirePorn
/DesertPorn
/WinterPorn
/AutumnPorn
/WeatherPorn
/GeologyPorn
/SpacePorn
/BeachPorn
/MushroomPorn
/SpringPorn
/SummerPorn
/LavaPorn
/LakePorn
/CityPorn
/VillagePorn
/RuralPorn
/ArchitecturePorn
/HousePorn
/CabinPorn
/ChurchPorn
/AbandonedPorn
/CemeteryPorn
/InfrastructurePorn
/MachinePorn
/CarPorn
/F1Porn
/MotorcyclePorn
/MilitaryPorn
/GunPorn
/KnifePorn
/BoatPorn
/RidesPorn
/DestructionPorn
/ThingsCutInHalfPorn
/StarshipPorn
/ToolPorn
/TechnologyPorn
/BridgePorn
/SteamPorn
/RetailPorn
/SpaceFlightPorn
/roadporn
/drydockporn
/AnimalPorn
/HumanPorn
/EarthlingPorn
/AdrenalinePorn
/ClimbingPorn
/SportsPorn
/AgriculturePorn
/TeaPorn
/BonsaiPorn
/FoodPorn
/CulinaryPorn
/DessertPorn
/DesignPorn
/RoomPorn
/AlbumArtPorn
/MetalPorn
/MoviePosterPorn
/TelevisionPosterPorn
/ComicBookPorn
/StreetArtPorn
/AdPorn
/ArtPorn
/FractalPorn
/InstrumentPorn
/ExposurePorn
/MacroPorn
/MicroPorn
/GeekPorn
/MTGPorn
/GamerPorn
/PowerWashingPorn
/AerialPorn
/OrganizationPorn
/FashionPorn
/AVPorn
/ApocalypsePorn
/InfraredPorn
/ViewPorn
/HellscapePorn
/sculptureporn
/HistoryPorn
/UniformPorn
/BookPorn
/NewsPorn
/QuotesPorn
/FuturePorn
/FossilPorn
/MegalithPorn
/ArtefactPorn
/fuckpongkrell/
Deusex/
/80s/
/Enough_Sanders_Spam/
/YouFellForItFool/
/CanadaHunting/
/DogCare/
/Dogtraining/
/comicbooks/
/theflash/
/Bikeporn/
/cycling/
/cyberpunk_stories
/iiiiiiitttttttttttt/
/DystopiaToday/
/AreTheStraightsOK/
/clevelandcavs/
/AmItheAsshole/
/LiverpoolFC/
/DissociaDID/
/TripCaves/
/Wholesomecringe/
/blackfishing/
/scioly/
/doodles/
/ICanDrawThat/
/Welding/
/NintendoSwitch/
/socialism
/ElectricForest/
/GaySoundsShitposts/
/writing/
/femalefashionadvice/
/asianamerican/
/zelda
/KingdomDeath/
/criminalminds/
added 9:00 AM US Eastern 6/9/2020
/SkincareAddiction/
/trees/
/startups/
/Norway/
/Entrepreneurs/
/GooglePixel/
/TaylorSwift/
/namenerds/
/selfservice/
/BalloonFetish/
/looners/
/walterlore/
/dogelore/
/Rowing/
/BrawlStarsCompetitive/
/RowingMemes/
/Eevee/
/pokemonmaxraids/
/RunnerHub/
/Roman_Catholics
/ihadastroke
/soccercirclejerk/
Latest added
/AsianBeauty/
/pokemon/
/BreadTube/
/AOC/
/Ilhan/
/LeftWithoutEdge/
/UniversityofChicago/
/ABraThatFits
/bulletjournal
/beatles
/the1975
/TheKillers
/MichaelJackson/
/mumfordandsons/
/AgeGap/
/AgeGapRelationship/
/whatintarnation/
/startrekgifs/
AdviceAnimals
wholesomememes
kirby
/actuallesbians
/TransyTalk
/TraaButOnlyBees
submitted by VisibleConfusion69 to copypasta [link] [comments]


2020.09.24 06:28 memesandcommunism LETTER TO REDDIT CEO

Open Letter to Steve Huffman and the Board of Directors of Reddit, Inc– If you believe in standing up to hate and supporting black lives, you need to act
Open Letter to Steve Huffman and the Board of Directors of Reddit, Inc – If you believe in standing up to hate and supporting black lives, you need to act
Dear Steve,
On June 1, you shared a letter on Reddit’s blog “Remember the Human – Black Lives Matter”. In this letter, you claim “as Snoos, we do not tolerate hate, racism, and violence, and while we have work to do to fight these on our platform, our values are clear.”
As of today, neither you nor any other Reddit admins have shared this letter anywhere on reddit.com. However, the response to this message was swift on Twitter, where you were rightfully labeled as hypocritical based on your long and well-recorded history of defending racism and white supremacy on this site.
Among the many responses was this message from former CEO of Reddit, Ellen Pao.
I am obligated to call you out: You should have shut down the_donald instead of amplifying it and its hate, racism, and violence. So much of what is happening now lies at your feet. You don't get to say BLM when reddit nurtures and monetizes white supremacy and hate all day long
Many others shared links and screenshots of your past statements saying “Open racism and slurs are fine to post on Reddit”.
The problem of Reddit’s leadership supporting and providing a platform for racist users and hateful communities has long been an issue. Nearly six years ago, dozens of subreddits signed the original open letter to the Reddit admins calling for action. While the Reddit admins acknowledged the letter and said it was a high priority to address this issue, extremely little has been done in the intervening years.
On June 5, you shared this update on /Announcements, Upcoming changes to our content policy, our board, and where we’re going from here. In the post, you stated that there is a need for continued adjustments of Reddit’s content policy to address racism and that this remains a priority. These continued statements that you hear us, that this is a priority, or that you are working on it are not enough. It has been five years since your return as CEO and this still remains Reddit’s most glaring problem.
Steve, if you and Reddit genuinely care about the values of standing up to racism and hate, then you need to back it up with real action. As moderators on this website who have dedicated countless hours to keeping this site running, we call on Reddit to take the following steps:
At /AgainstHateSubreddits, we have laid out the many failures of Steve time and again to stand up to white supremacy on this site time and time and time again.
With a website with the impact of Reddit on the broader conversations being held in communities around the world, this website needs real leadership and real action.
We hope that Reddit will not just share empty platitudes — but will take a meaningful stand against hate, and take these recommendations to heart.
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/AgainstHateSubreddits
/2cb/
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/AbsoluteUnits
/AbyssRium/
/AccidentalBoobGrazes/
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/Asktransgender
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/asoiaf
/atheism
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/babybigcatgifs
/badUIbattles
/BAMEVoicesUK
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/BestOfReports
/BethMidrash/
/BiggerThanYouThought
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/BikiniBottomTwitter
/blackhair
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/BlackLightning
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/BudgetExotics
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/CK2GameOfthrones
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/coldshowers
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/Contrapoints
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/DynastyCW
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/mississippi
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/MonstaX
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/Music
/MuslimMarriage
/NASCAR
/naturalhair
/NewOrleans
/NewPatriotism
/News
/Nextfuckinglevel
/NFL
/nicegirls
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/nj4nj
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/Pete_Buttigieg/
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/philosophy
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/PlayingGuitar
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/relationships
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/RPDR_UK
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/SandersForPresident
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/WorldNews
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/turtlefacts
Added as of 6:30 PM US Eastern, June 8, 2020
/EarthPorn
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/peloton/
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/carolinekonstna
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/TyrannyGame
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As of 1:00 PM US Eastern, June 9, 2020
/Jokes/
/skyrim/
/2meirl4meirl/
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/HolUp/
/Wreddit/
/SCJerk/
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Update as of 1:30 PM US Eastern 6/8/2020
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/FoodDiaries/
/belgium/
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added as of 5:30 PM US Eastern June 9, 2020
/india
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Added 10:00 AM US EDT 6/10/20
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/AmItheAsshole/
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/GaySoundsShitposts/
/writing/
/femalefashionadvice/
/asianamerican/
/zelda
/KingdomDeath/
/criminalminds/
added 9:00 AM US Eastern 6/9/2020
/SkincareAddiction/
/trees/
/startups/
/Norway/
/Entrepreneurs/
/GooglePixel/
/TaylorSwift/
/namenerds/
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/Roman_Catholics
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/pokemon/
/BreadTube/
/AOC/
/Ilhan/
/LeftWithoutEdge/
/UniversityofChicago/
/ABraThatFits
/bulletjournal
/beatles
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/TheKillers
/MichaelJackson/
/mumfordandsons/
/AgeGap/
/AgeGapRelationship/
/whatintarnation/
/startrekgifs/
AdviceAnimals
wholesomememes
kirby
/actuallesbians
/TransyTalk
/TraaButOnlyBees
submitted by memesandcommunism to copypasta [link] [comments]


2020.09.22 22:09 STANTWICEthrowaway [20M] My best friend [21F] have developed totally opposing political views and it’s starting to ruin our relationship.

Throwaway because the person mentioned will recognise the name of my main account if she were to see this. Ages, dates and names may have been changed to retain anonymity.
Upon writing this, I’ve realised that it’s a relatively long read. I’ll pop a TL;DR at that bottom for those who don’t have the time.
I don’t even really know where to start on this post. I’ll provide some backstory.
We met on Instagram via mutual friends and hit it off right away. This was about 6 years ago. She quickly became one of my closest friends. It was one of these friendships were you could just tell it was different. She’s been there for me through a lot, notably after my mom passed. A few years ago, she started dating. Her first boyfriend and I got along really well. I would probably go as far as to say we had a sort-of friendship. They didn’t work out, she got back on the dating scene, and starting dating another boy, we’ll call him Doug.
This is where it kind of all starts to fall apart.
To put it simply, Doug was just not a good person. He was extremely racist, homophobic, xenophobic, you get the gist. I, as a black, gay guy, don’t identify with any of these views. I had never really thought he had rubbed off on her that much until we were on a FaceTime call one day, and she casually let the n-word slip and said “fuck it, I don’t care.” (Bare in mind, she is white).
She had been EXTREMELY open about her distaste of the word and racial abuse in general so I was definitely taken a bit off guard by this and I didn’t even really know what to say.
Long story short, she realised he was a piece of shit, they broke up, blah blah blah.
This takes us to the present day. She has been open for quite a few months now about her support of the conservative party and Boris Johnson (we’re in the UK) and has just in general been saying some really iffy things that I don’t agree with at all. I do not support the conservative party, or Boris Johnson so you can likely see how this could become an issue after it’s been brought up for a few times.
I’ve spoken to her about this multiple times and asked if we could stop mentioning politics but it seems to keep on coming up, every time it does, she begins to lean further and further to the right. I’ve sort of put my foot down at this point and blatantly told her that I don’t agree with her views and that we need to stop talking about this, which never lasts too long.
I don’t expect her to change her views for me. I don’t expect her to suddenly just stop supporting a cause she believes in because her minority friend told her to.
I guess I’m just looking for advice on where to go from here. I know that this friendship likely isn’t going to last, based on the way things have been going. I’m unsure of how to approach this, or what to say, as my efforts to put this aside have been ignored.
TL;DR - white friend of 6 years has become openly right-wing and began saying very questionable words and statements. I have opposing views and my multiple efforts to avoid the topic are being actively ignored. Not sure how to approach the situation anymore.
submitted by STANTWICEthrowaway to relationship_advice [link] [comments]


2020.09.22 21:24 amelie_francaise My (f24) very recent ex (m23) wants to get back with me, but it’s all a bit complicated.

TLDR; my boyfriend has come out and un-come out to me on several occasions, then he told me he might be gay so we broke up. It’s been 3 weeks since and he wants to get back together. What do I do?
In January, when we were still together, my ex (been together for almost 2 years) came out to me as bisexual. It was tough but we stayed together and were super happy. Beginning of lockdown he says he’s not bisexual, then about half way through he says he is again. Then lockdown finishes (this is in the UK btw) and we get to see each other again. Everything is amaaazing and we are in a great place, both so happy. A couple more times he goes back and forth on his sexuality but each time I support him and we just get on with things.
This brings me to 3 weeks ago, out of the blue, or so it feels like, he suddenly tells me he thinks he might be gay. Obviously this is hugely upsetting and I feel terrible - he tells me he might be more attracted to men, and other things which don’t exactly make me feel secure (not that I’m blaming him but I won’t lie it hurt a lot).
We decide breakup so he can get a hold of who he is and maybe to date men. It’s amicable and hard, but I know we did the right thing. Then in the last few days he’s been telling me he wants to get back together, that he misses me and wants to see me, and that he now has clarity on the situation - ie that he isn’t gay, but that his Struggle with OCD was making him think he was.
I’m hesitant to see him and listen to him talk me through it because I’m so scared of becoming emotionally vulnerable again and getting hurt in a couple of months. It sounds horrible, but I just don’t trust him. How can I right now?
Do I see him and listen to what he has to say? Or do I wait longer and see how I feel? I don’t want to lose him but also I don’t know if I can get back together with him right now.
submitted by amelie_francaise to relationship_advice [link] [comments]


2020.09.22 17:51 LJWill91 I am 29 years old, make $170,000 base (plus $30-40,000 bonus and $30,000 vesting stock), live in Seattle and work as a Creative Project Manager in Tech

A little about me: I'm 29, British and Queer :) I moved from England to the US as part of a work transfer three years ago and love Seattle. My life has changed a lot over the past few years, I realized I was gay, moved to Seattle, stopped talking to my toxic mum, had a lotttttt of therapy and moved in with my partner, L. My financial knowledge has gone from 0-60 in the past three years thanks to personalfinance, a few finance books and moneydiariesactive. I'm an open book so ask any qs you'd like! I hope you enjoy!
Section One: Assets and Debt
Net Worth: $283,000
Retirement Balance:
401k $30,000
UK 401k $22,000
Index Funds $155,000
(Tip: I used the bankrate.com retirement calculator to figure out how much I actually need to invest for retirement each year. This really cleared up what I need to invest as a minimum each year to hit my retirement target, before I can decide what to live off and save for shorter term purchases e.g. a house.)
Equity if you're a homeowner:
$52,000 in an apartment in the UK (worth $275,000) that I’m selling right now. I bought it with my ex-boyfriend five years ago and loved living there at the time, but owning it since moving to the US has been a bad idea – it hasn’t gone up in value at all since I purchased in 2015, the rent my tenants pay doesn’t cover the mortgage and it requires lots of costly maintenance.
When I bought it, I received $12,000 towards a down payment from my mum. I have three brothers and I'm expecting brothers 2 and 3 to receive the same, but not brother 1, so I'm planning to give half of the $12,000 to him when the sale goes through.
Also, when I sell, I either owe $0, $15,000 or $30,000 to the US government as part of a tax law that assumes I've made profit because of changing exchange rates. Every accountant I speak to has a different answer, so let's see in January! At some point I'll use the rest of the money towards a down payment for a house in the US.
Savings account balance:
Emergency Fund $17,500
Holiday Fund $7,000
Fun Money $4500 (I might end up investing half of this in index funds)
Fund to cover capital gains tax for my 2020 tax bill $2029
Checking account balance:
I leave $1,500 per pay check in my account for living costs, plus enough to cover my rent and bills. I pay for all of my living costs on an Amex Delta credit card to get points and pay it off in full each month.
Credit card debt: $0
Student loan debt: $0. I completed a music degree in England (this cost $35,000 for three years of tuition, rent and living costs). My parents paid for my tuition, rent and 50% of my living costs, and I worked for them during the holidays to cover 50% of my living costs. Once I joined the working world, I realized how much of a big deal it was that they paid for my education and what a head start it gave me having no student debt. I am very grateful.
Anything else that’s applicable to you:
I had a privileged start, my parents paid for my education and I received $12,000 towards a house down payment. I graduated from University at 21, and whilst I have been financially independent since then, there is an emotional safety net that comes with knowing I could go home to my Dad if I needed to.
After working in England from 21-26, I moved to Seattle with $20,000 saved for retirement, $40,000 in my UK apartment and no other savings. My salary doubled moving to the US and as a result I’ve been able to save a lot over the past few years. A few years ago, my Dad suggested I read How To Own The World. It gave me a really great introduction to lots of different aspects of finance (inflation, saving, types of accounts, retirement etc) so I read a few other finance books, started following personalfinance and have had a massive shift in my attitude towards finances.
Section Two: Income and Income Progression
I graduated with a music degree aged 21 and decided that, although I loved music, I wasn't passionate enough to fight for a career in such a competitive field. Instead, I decided I'd like to explore a career that involved lots of people interaction and could pay well: sales. Since then I've ended up working in sales, marketing and engineering, all in tech.
- 2013 - $25,000 - I joined a tech company as a sales graduate selling Healthcare software. Direct selling wasn't a great match for my skillset.
- 2014 - $37,000 plus $30,000 in commission - After nine months, my manager suggested I moved to a technical sales role in the same company and I was given a $12,000 raise. I loved this role! Lots of presenting in formal sales processes.
- 2015 - $47,000 plus $30,000 bonus - After playing a major part in $3.5 million in sales in one year, I negotiated an additional $10,000.
- 2016 - $70,000 plus $30,000 bonus and a $5,000 stock award (vesting over 5 years) - I moved to a big tech company in a similar technical sales role and my salary jumped significantly.
- 2018 - $137,000 plus $30,000 bonus, an end of year $25,000 stock award (vesting over 5 years) and a one off $25,000 stock award for good performance (vesting over five years) - I relocated with the same company to the US in a marketing role and my salary doubled!
- 2019 - $160,000 plus $30,000 bonus and a $25,000 stock award (vesting over 5 years) - I took a new role in engineering as a Creative PM and my salary increased by 15%. A major driver for moving was being told promotions were off the table in my old team unless you had been in role for three years.
- 2020 - $170,000 plus $42,000 bonus and a $48,500 stock award (vesting over five years) - I was promoted in role and my salary increased.
It blows my mind that I earn this much money for a role that I enjoy so much. I'm very lucky.
Main Job Monthly Take Home: $8,500 per month, after maxing my 401k, contributing $510 to my HSA and healthcare/taxes etc.
Any Other Income:
Having received stock awards every year for the past 5 years, I now have stock vesting every year that adds up to about $30,000 pre-tax. I immediately sell and invest in diversified index funds via Vanguard to minimize the risk that would come with having a large amount of my savings in the same company that pays my paycheck (if the company tanks, I'd lose my job and the stock would plummet in value).
I also receive an annual bonus of between 15-30%. This year it was 27% (an amazing, unexpected surprise), it’s usually around 20%. Last year I invested 90% and spent 10% on a vacation to Japan. This year it was a lot higher, so I invested 66%, saved 21% for moving costs/vacations next Summer and kept the rest as a fun fund.
I also get $1050 in rent for my UK apartment, but the mortgage is $1150, so I make a loss.
Other:
My income is completely separate to my partner, L. We take turns paying for groceries/meals out/trips and assume it evens out to 50/50. Right now, I earn a lot more than L, who is a medical resident and earns about $100,000, with no student debt, but we both live off about the same amount per year as I'm focused so heavily on investing.
Section Three: Expenses
Rent and utilities: $1,300/month for my half of a two bed, two bath in Fremont. I moved in with L, last month and we split the rent 50/50. Previously my rent was $2060/month for an open one bed in the Capitol Hill.
Extra costs for UK mortgage/management company fees: $500
Investment/savings: Until this month, I was investing $2,000- $2,500. Now that I’ve reached my investment target for the year (a combination of my bonus, savings and vested stock), I’m re-routing that to a savings fund in a HYSA for next Summer. I’m planning to relocate to the East Coast with L, and hoping to take the summer off between jobs.
Donations: $130/month to Black Lives Matter, Save the Children, an LGBT charity in England and a COVID relief fund. These are also matched by my employer 100%.
Cellphone: $30 in a shared plan with some friends
Wifi: $60 Subscriptions: Netflix $15, Amazon $14, AppleCare $12
Regular therapy: $160/month for two sessions with my UK therapist and $180/session roughly every 2-3 weeks with my tantra coach.
Living: I budget $3000 per month for living, therapy and tantra.
COVID-19: In current COVID times in Seattle, cases are being managed well by the city, we are in phase 2 and can meet up with 5 people per week who aren't in our household network and can go to restaurants with people in our household.
Tuesday:
7am - Bonus day! I start to think about what to do with some of the money in my fun fund. On my wishlist: Glittery Dr Martens 🥾, a vacuum that also steams floors, everything on the Olive website and lift tickets for 🎿 over winter.
8am - Work work work work work 🎶 Every day starts with calls with my team in India to review their product configuration progress. My role focuses around writing product pitches/demonstrations that sellers will deliver to customers. My days are spent talking to sellers about common customer requests, writing narratives to present the value of the products and designing screens to be built by my engineers/consultants.
9am - I spend $50 on an Amazon order for 🧼,🧴and English 🍫.
12pm - I accidentally start a small kitchen fire heating some heat pads in L’s dutch oven. The fire department was involved🔥😭
2pm - I have a call with a design lead about potential roles in their team. I'd love to expand my skillset into videos and 🙋🏼‍♀️
3pm - Our Imperfect Foods box arrives. This week we got eggs, veggies, fruits, goats cheese and gnocchi. $25, but I paid for this last week.
5pm - I go for an early dinner with L at Manolin to celebrate my bonus/destress after the fire🍴🍷 Restaurants are open in Seattle at 50% capacity and everyone wears masks. I pay. $150
8pm - Listen to records with L 🎶 and fall asleep at 9.30.
Total: $200
Wednesday:
8am - More calls, more feedback, more unblocking the engineers👩🏼‍💻
10am - I FaceTime catch up with my Dad ❤️ He just bought a house in the English countryside with his partner, L, and he gives me more excited updates about how renovations are going.
2pm - I get some excellent feedback about yesterday’s call, the manager wants me in his team 🙌🏻
6pm - Vegetarian taco night and cocktails with L ❤️🌮
8pm - I order a replacement pan after destroying L’s. $198
8.30pm - We start watching Normal People 📺
Total: $198
Thursday:
10am - My youngest brother schedules his first therapy appointment! 🙌🏻 I have three brothers and two are at high school or university and aren’t working. I believe we would all benefit from therapy, so this year I offered to pay for both of them. Now all four of us have been at some point ❤️ $59
12pm - Fire fighting at work, trying to fix products that keep breaking in time to deliver product demos to sellers next week 🔥💻
3pm - I do a trial recording with my colleague for a broadcast next week. 🎥🎞 The broadcast goes out to somewhere between 250,000-1,000,000 people. The broadcast is usually in a studio, but because of covid we’re shooting at home this time.
5pm - L comes home with a cuuuute new haircut 💁🏻‍♀️ and a new burner ring for our stove after it was damaged in the 🔥. L pays.
7pm - We make pizzas 🍕 and talk about what time togetheco existing/apart looks like for each of us. Moving in together is big and it helps to understand what makes each other feel good/not so good. The conversation is emotional and really helpful.
Total: $59
Friday:
8am - I have a morning of calls with India/England/US agreeing next steps/fire fighting 🔥
11am - I reflect on how writing a money diary is making me feel guilty about spending money, even if my “normal” spending fits into my budget and my “fun” spending comes from my bonus. One to talk about in therapy I think.
4pm - Another busy afternoon jumping between calls. A good rehearsal for the broadcast ✔️ good feedback on our demo content ✔️ next week planned out in Outlook ✔️
5pm - I meet with my tantra coach for a two hour session. I originally started going to see them to learn more about sex (🙌🏻) but have learned that tantra is much bigger than that, it’s an eastern tradition that is centered around connecting with your heart and body and being present. It’s had a massive impact on my ability to get out of my head. Today we focused on simple body exercises to get me more connected to my body. $200
7pm - L started a 30 hour shift this morning so I have a solo date night ❤️ bath-time + Quorn chicken nugget wraps (I love eating in the bath 😆) + TikTok ✌🏻
Total: $200
Saturday:
8am - I wake up and listen to Jameela Jamil and Katherine Ryan in the iWeigh podcast.
9am - I meditate 🧘🏼‍♀️. I started meditating 3-7 times per week six months ago using the Headspace app and it was a great intro. I’ve been resisting meditating for the past two weeks, and going to see my tantra coach has given me the umph to start again today. I do 20 minutes unguided.
10am - L comes home from work and we catch up before they sleep 💤 I spend the day in the bath, reading The Untethered Soul, eating fake sausage patties, eggs and sautéed tomatoes on toast, on reddit, watching Normal People and napping 🛀📚
6pm - I see my two best friends, N&V, a queer couple in Seattle ❤️ they know how to make me feel loved and buy all of my favorite foods for dinner ❤️ I uber there and back wearing a mask. $30
Total: $30
Sunday:
10am - I spend the morning eating eggs, veggies and fake chorizo, reading The Untethered Soul and The Simple Path to Wealth in the bath, and meditating.
1pm - I FaceTime my Dad and his partner, L ❤️
2pm - L and I spend the afternoon watching Ratchet, snoozing and walking to Gas Works park to get some fresh air.
6.30pm - We cook veggie bolognese with gnocchi and have some quality time after a crazy month of shifts for L.
10pm - L crashes and I order a Dyson vacuum with some of my bonus money #thisis29. $385
Total: $385
Monday:
7am - I wake up and meditate🧘🏼‍♀️
8am - Catch up calls with the India team. I have a fairly slow morning after that, agreeing deliverables for the week with our team.
12pm - I make sweet potato tacos for lunch using up ingredients in the fridge 🙌🏻🌮
4pm - I do a recording for the broadcast on Wednesday. Oh hey there hair, makeup and formal work clothes, where have you been hiding? 💄
5.30pm - L and I listen to a Lake Street Dive concert online on the porch 🎵
7.30pm - L buys groceries and we head for a socially distanced picnic outside.
Total: $0
Food + Drink: $160
Fun / Entertainment: $0
Home + Health: $644
Clothes + Beauty: $40
Transport: $30
Other: $198
Weekly Total: $1072
Lastly, reflect on your diary!
Writing this diary was good for me! It made me see some of the small, happy moments that happen each day.
All in all, apart from the vacuum that I bought with my bonus, this is average spending for me. I'm very conscious of not spending more than $700/week. This means if I have more expensive days, like days when I have to pay for therapy or tantra, I'll make sure I balance it out on other days.
I feel incredibly lucky that I have a high salary that gives me an incredibly good quality of life and enables me to save for the future. I have an "it's too good to be true" fear, so I'm focused on investing a lot right now to set myself up long term.
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2020.09.21 11:46 viceroy_merkel Things seem to go wrong, too many times.

I am a 21 year old male from the UK who has recently graduated from University, although I did the majority of my final semester, including writing my dissertation, back in my rural home county. Academically, I did quite well, graduating with first class honours, but I am at this moment pretty directionless and feel like I've not made the most of my opportunities.
My first year at university was made difficult after the unexpected death of my stepdad via alcohol poisoning. Two weeks prior to this my mum had told me she had left him as she didn't love him anymore. All of this happened whilst I was away studying in a city in the south, and after I returned there after the funeral I shut my family out including my mother, as at the time I blamed her for his death, which I viewed as a suicide due to being heartbroken.
So I stayed down at my Uni-town for the majority of my degree, including over Christmases and through the summers. Mentally, I was not doing well, the disruption in first year meant that I failed to make many friends, and I developed a pretty bad binge-drinking problem which would create a lot of disruption for me, i.e. losing my phone, wallet, cards, and more embarrassingly stumbling around the house and quite often barging into someone else bedroom accidentally in the middle of the night and scaring them. Another thing I neglected to do was apply for summer internships and work experience opportunities, which in the UK are usually only open to students in their first or penultimate year at university, which will become more relevant later.
It wasn't until the second semester of second year that things got better for me. I started dating my current boyfriend, who is from Poland, and who is quite different from myself. He is very used to personal, emotional, and financial support from his parents, and consequently has a very good self-esteem as well as a great academic and professional record. For example, in the summer after I met him, he partook in an internship at the UN in New York for the Polish delegation, something I would never be able to consider due to it being unpaid, meaning he relied on his parents to support him.
Although I would say we are very much in love I would say the our essences are completely distinct and this is based off our upbringings and experiences. He is very much an optimist, and believes anyone can do anything if they put there mind to it. I myself am probably the biggest pessimist and this is where we clash. Sometimes I remind him that not everyone is afforded the same resources at his disposal, although it can get a bit personal as I am inferring people like myself, and I suppose I am jealous of him in a way.
Anyways, despite us being different I can say he did change my outlook for the better. Seeing him do all of his impressive extracurricular activities made me conscious of my lack of professional experiences, but by this time it was the start of my final year and it felt like it was a race to get something before graduation. It didn't help that my boyfriend is very keen on one day working for some sort of international organisation (EU or the UN), and I worried about how I could figure in around this and also find a job wherever he might end up.
I applied for lots of different things in my final year, (graduate schemes and jobs, summer internships) and at first I could handle setbacks and rejections, as I truly felt that I was learning something even by just applying. Eventually, I started getting acceptances, and I was happy to find out I had gotten a place working as a summer intern for the Ministry of Justice. I also started the process of getting help with my depression by going to my University's health service. I suffer with insomnia also and was given amitriptyline but in a very low dose so not as antidepressant medication but just to help falling to sleep easier.
As you will all know, in March COVID restrictions started coming in, and my boyfriend got a last minute flight to Poland, and I eventually went back to my home county, but this time I lived with my Dad. I don't have a close relationship at all with my Dad, I had not lived with him since the age of 4, and we don't have a lot in common least of all me being gay and him being the biggest womaniser ever. As I still had my dissertation to write, and I was used to working sporadically through the night, I set up my PC in his RV outside to minimise noise, and I slept in it also too eventually. I also found that the amitriptyline wasn't working as well so when I ran out didn't bother contacting the doctor's as I would be unable to make an appointment anyway, and for the most part was more concerned with writing my dissertation anyway.
So in June, a week before I was due to start work, I was informed that the internship would be cancelled, which was disappointing to say the least as in the back of my mind I was still concerned with my lack of professional experience. The next set-back came when I was approached by a recruiter for a Bank who found my CV online and invited my to apply for this temporary 3 month position. This would have worked out quite well as I had also applied for this scholarship to study a masters at the University of Warsaw financed by the Polish government, due to start in October. I did the video interview and the day after the offered me the job after which followed a 2 week period of acquiring all the necessary documentation, and background checks, very similar to what I had to do with the Ministry of Justice. After I had did all this, I received a call from the recruiter who explained that due to 'company restructuring' they had to postpone my starting for an unspecified period of time.
About a week after this, around August 24, I found out that I had received the scholarship off the Polish government to do the Masters and I was ecstatic, although now not having a job created the stress of having to come up with the money needed to move countries. The legal fees to get my diploma legalised and sent over to Poland in time amount to just under £400 and to pay for it I sold my gaming PC, which I was willing to do as it felt like getting this scholarship would single handedly solve all my problems: of not being able to find a job in the post-COVID economy, of the difficult situation of living with my distant father, of being so far away from my boyfriend.
However, on Friday I got an email from the University in Poland to say that due to an insufficient number of students my course would not be going ahead, this was two days before I needed to show the Polish scholarship agency my enrolment letter to secure my scholarship. This really destroyed me. Throughout all of these set backs I have tried my best to stay positive, but it got progressively harder with each opportunity. A lot of them demonstrated how people will be prepared to be nice and lead you on, like the recruiter who contacted me, or the admissions at the University in Poland, but will be prepared to drop you at a moments notice when it is no longer convenient for them.
I just feel like I spent so much time trying to condition myself out of my pessimistic world view but every time I find myself proven right. The past 6 months have really built up my hopes before tearing them down to even lower than they were before. I've started the binge-drinking again, and the other day I must have alluded to suicidal thoughts whilst video calling my boyfriend, though I don't recall it, as he took it upon himself to add my mother and Facebook and message her about it. I feel like I'm having a breakdown but unsure with how to respond. I am also no registered to a doctor's office in my county, due to being registered with the University Health Service thought I imagine since I've graduated I'm off the books.
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2020.09.19 22:24 FastBrilliant1 Inexperienced with guys curious guy here - should I wait to try sex with someone I care about. a.k.a. are hookups a bad idea?

Hey gaybros, 42yo guy here in the UK. Been straight most of my life but have been curious for a long time too. Some people might describe me as bi, or even gay. I haven't really found labels to be very helpful though tbh. I should say I've enjoyed numerous hookups with women in my life and rarely if ever suffered any kind of strong negative self-directed emotions. I'm not after an opinion or judgement over whether it's ethically right or wrong to have gay sex (I believe it's totally ok as long as it's between consenting adults). I just seem to be 'stuck' (?) in this space where I do fantasize about having sex with guys, but I think it would be better if I waited to do it with someone I cared about (vs. just find a hookup on grindr / online). Just wondering how much value there is to waiting to do it with someone I have some proper connection with - especially as it would be my first proper time. My only other experience was kind of out of desperation / boredom / impatience when I met someone through Craigslist and it just kind of gross. I felt somewhat gross afterwards - the guy was a bit of a dick and it was all hurried (just JO).
Since then I've lost count of the number of guys I've flirted with online - rarely even sharing face pictures but nearly all other types pictures - but never gone through and met up with. I feel nervous about doing so and I question whether it's because I really want to find someone that I have something meaningful with, or I'm just scared of something that will be great. I sometimes explain to guys I chat with that I'm a bit nervous about meeting up. There are cool / nice guys who say 'no worries, take your time, let me know when you're ready' kind of thing but I haven't taken that step with. I guess the best thing might be to meet people for 'dates' - a coffee, something friendly and relaxed..?
Peace xx
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submitted by PhatA18Sepl to u/PhatA18Sepl [link] [comments]


2020.09.18 16:27 rollforgaynitiative [5e][online][GMT+1]Looking for creative, silly people for Wholesome Gay Comedy DnD

I know the title is a doozie, but hear me out.
What we're looking to build:
Think of it as the funny and gay bits of The Adventure Zone all smooshed together and released in tidbits. (Yes, we're still playing DND 5th edition!)
An example of some games we've played, to give you an idea: Gay speed-dating at the local bar to try and find who the secret vampire is, Trying to enjoy a peaceful weekend getaway but Who Put All These Ghosts In Here??, and [spoilers for character backstories so I can't tell you].
The group so far
ALSO, a disclaimer: We are not professionals, we just have some practice making stupid gay jokes to make each other laugh, so don't hesitate to apply.
This is a gay gayme for gays to be gay in, gayly. If that isn't clear enough. You can send either a chat or a direct message. B)

EDIT: Thanks for all the applications. Feel free to apply if you're a good match! IT'S NOT TOO LATE! Haha. I am overwhelmed with applications at the moment, please be patient! I will get back to people in the order received.

submitted by rollforgaynitiative to lfg [link] [comments]


2020.09.17 21:11 TragicKingdom1 A Very Long Mod Update - September 2020

Hey hey hey, time for another mod update! This is only a week later than promised, and I consider that a win :)

New Mods & Goodbyes

At the beginning of the month we concluded our search for new BIPOC moderators and added three to the team:
You may also notice that TiltControls has been added for solely wiki purposes: I'm working on a rate-related project with him, so stay tuned for that.
Sadly, we also say goodbye to veteran moderators Jelboo and saucymac. We all wish them well in their future endeavors.
Lastly, we (finally) added new social media team members awhile back. Please welcome the following to the team:
In addition, by the time we roll out another one of these updates, we will have restructured the subreddit, Discord, and social media staffs to feature a new dedicated events team.

Chart Related Discussion Update

You may have noticed that as of this week, the weekly Billboard Hot 100 Discussion has changed into a weekly US & Global Chart Discussion. This new thread encompasses all single and albums charts associated with the US, as well as the new Billboard Global 200 that tracks consumption around the world. We've also added a new [CHART] flair for user submitted threads of international charts. Please do not just directly link to the charts in these posts and instead do a nicely formatted summary; this is a good example.

[FRESH] Posts Update

Our beloved AutoModerator has started automatically posting the following message in every [FRESH] thread:
If the stream can't be played it might not be out in your timezone yet. Please wait until midnight local time or EST (whichever comes first) and it should be available.
I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please contact the moderators of this subreddit if you have any questions or concerns.
This will hopefully cut down on the spam of people saying "Why is this unavailable for me??" on every single one of these threads because the song has not been released in their timezone yet.
As a reminder, we currently only allow releases that are asynchronous across timezones (a.k.a. they become available at midnight wherever you are in the world, rather than available globally at midnight in a specific timezone) to be posted at midnight GMT. We've tested this extensively in the past and the reason for this seemingly arbitrary rule is that when asynchronous releases go up in Australian time (the earliest timezone), Reddit's algorithm will already have started pushing the posts down the front page by the time the US timezones (which are the most active in our community) receive the release. Using UK time strikes a medium between these two extremes. We are open to revising this rule if there is demand for it, however, so please leave thoughts below.

Scooter Braun, Foiled Again

We've started removing those "EPs" that have popped up on streaming services for Universal artists that just consist of previously released songs in a short playlist. (Here is an example.) These are purely promotional tactics to get songs back on playlists like Release Radar. The only exception to this rule is if they have multiple songs or versions of songs that were previously widely unavailable on streaming; if there is just one new track, post it as its own [FRESH] post.

Cutting Down on Build-Up Posts to Singles

As of this week we will be more strict on what teasers for an upcoming single are considered newsworthy. This issue boiled over with the release of Charli XCX's quarantine project how i'm feeling now, which had an unprecedented amount of information on its development shared in advance of the release. We will be following these guidelines when deciding whether new info about an upcoming single is newsworthy:
To use an oft-cited town hall comment as a base, here is an example of what is (bolded) and isn't (crossed out) acceptable:
I hope this clears everything up! If you need a TL;DR, please only post ONE snippet AND whatever information I did not cross out in THIS image.

[FRESH] Post Spam on New Music Friday

In addition to the rule where you cannot post new [FRESH] posts within 10 minutes of each other, we will be capping the total number of [FRESH] posts you can make each day at 5. This is to prevent spam over the course of each New Music Friday with posts that end up getting very few upvotes and discussion.

New Account Ban

New accounts will now have to wait 7 days to post and comment on the subreddit. This is due to an influx in alts by banned users and trolls who come out of the woodwork when Beyoncé does anything. We have implemented an exception for posts flaired [AMA], and we're working on an additional exception for major releases that will tend to draw new users into the subreddit.

Upcoming BLM Event

In the interest of transparency, we are currently aiming for mid October for our BLM charity event. We've sent out emails to many black artists of various levels of popularity on the subreddit with our proposal, and we're hoping to lock in a schedule over the next few weeks so we can announce the event. If you have any suggestions of or connections to black artists that we may have missed, feel free to send a modmail to us.

New Weekly Thread?

We are planning a new weekly thread that is similar to the New Music Friday compilation threads that have been launched and later failed on the subreddit. The thread would include some combination of the following elements:
If you have any comments on this concept or ideas on how to refine it, please leave them below!
That was a long one! I hope everyone stays safe and sane in these troubling times and also streams "Shook" by Tkay Maidza :)
The Popheads Moderation Team
submitted by TragicKingdom1 to popheads [link] [comments]


2020.09.17 16:59 koine_lingua Response to "If you are a smug Democrat or leftist coming here to see how 'stupid' we are..." on /r/Republican

So I'm actually kind of uncertain about the rules for posting here. I know the actual rule section states that "unless you identify as Republican that you refrain from commenting "; though I feel like from the time I've spent here, I haven't seen this upheld very often.
Maybe my post will be removed, as I'm unambiguously not a Republican, and am pretty clearly left-leaning in most of my views. I figure, though, that since your post is explicitly directed at left-leaning individuals, and since a number of commenters here are inviting them to respond, that it might be considered a bit of a one-off exception.
Just to be clear on a few things: I wouldn't consider myself smug, nor do I come here with any notions about how "stupid" the posters here are — though (like other subreddits representing other political perspectives) I do recognize this as a partisan subreddit, where I think views are often expressed far too carelessly and hostilely.
I'm not a centrist, even if I don't consider my political beliefs to be the most important type of beliefs that I hold as a person, and even though I put great emphasis on finding common ground when it comes to dialogue.
On one last note, I don't think much productive discussion is usually had around these kinds of "gotcha" posts. The main type of argument that this post seems to be centered around is tu quoque, or whataboutism; and I think that this style usually just drags both sides down, and comes dangerously close to the view that two wrongs make a right.
So the style of this post presents hyphenated claims that have presumably been expressed by some Democrats/leftists, followed by a critical response in bold. I'll quote that format as is, and then comment on each item.
  • Trump is trying to encourage peace in the world. He's making moves to end the wars we are in.
Democrats have brought the violence here to our streets. They are failing to condemn it and normalizing the idea that even more will happen if they don't get what they want.
Ideologically/philosophically, I'm a bit more of a rigid pacifist than most; so you won't see me condoning violence. You'll see how a number of my responses here are influenced by this.
In terms of foreign policy and militarism: Trump's stated views, and a number of his actions, indeed tend toward the non-interventionist direction, which is commendable. One question here, though, is whether there's a sort of inevitability to the "war machine," as it relates to the assertion of American power and in the administration's actions in relation to inherited conflicts; and I think this is part of what leads some commentators to speak in terms of some contradictions here. For example, this short piece in Foreign Policy begins by stating
On matters of war and peace, U.S. President Donald Trump says what he means but rarely does what he says; the result has been his administration’s contradictory combination of hawkish militarism and strategic retrenchment. Alongside Trump’s overt militarism—demonstrated in practice by the expansion of troop deployments and airstrikes in the wars he inherited—he has, paradoxically, repeated a rhetorical preference for reducing certain overseas military commitments, both deployments and wars.
(I'll leave to others to determine whether all the assessments in the full article that's quoted here are fair or not. I quote it more so just to showcase more complex views of this than out of blanket agreement. Also, it was written in 2019, and as such obviously doesn't take into account recent peace deals.)
Turning to the domestic situation: I still think that the overwhelming trend is for people on all sides to make a substantive distinction between committed political protesters and opportunistic rioters — certainly including Joe Biden. That being said, the symbiotic (or maybe parasitic?) relationship between political protest and rioting and destruction has always been a super thorny issue — prominent during the civil rights protests, for example, and something that those like Martin Luther King, Jr. famously struggled with.
But yes, again, as someone who leans pretty firmly in a pacifist direction, I'm uncomfortable with normalizing violence, even if some might characterize it as an "inevitable" byproduct of profound political and social change.
  • You tell us Black Lives Matter is just about better police treatment of black people.
Trump doesn't control the police, so why were people trying to storm the White House?
Along with some of what I said in my previous comments, storming the White House is silly and won't accomplish anything, but isn't necessarily contradictory to the larger aims of Black Lives Matter in terms of reducing racial discrimination. (Nor do I think that those more misplaced actions should be taken to be representative of Black Lives Matter supporters as a whole.)
And not by way of justification, but by way of explanation, the President — any President — will always be a figurehead, real and symbolic, for larger political and social views. (And on another note, while the Trump administration indeed doesn't control police, the issue of law enforcement funding is indeed a federal issue, over which Trump and Biden obviously have some differing views.)
  • It's just about "unfair treatment".
Why do you all ignore the ACTUAL justice reform that Trump signed?
First and foremost, justice reform isn't just about one thing. Also, for what it's worth, the First Step Act is almost certainly the measure supported by the Trump administration that has the greatest amount of bipartisan support, and passed 87-12 in the Senate.
We should probably be careful about overstating the amount of reforms initiated by the Trump administration, though. In the section on justice reform on the official site for Trump accomplishments, for example, this seems to center almost exclusively on the First Step Act. (Also, just on a more historical note, the First Step Act has its roots in the 2015 Sentencing Reform and Corrections Act. That's not to downplay its significance, but to give a bit more context about its origins.)
  • You think we care nothing about people's lives.
But you don't say anything about states that passed bills making it legal to abort a child literally as it's being born.
I think it'd be silly to think that Republicans and others don't care about people's lives. More generally speaking, I think that both strongly-held pro-choice beliefs and pro-life beliefs both come from concern for people's lives; and/or what might best be described as moral intuitions — sometimes at the expense of rational justification and argument.
That being said, I actually don't know anything about (what I assume) is the debate over "partial-birth abortion," so I won't say anything else about this item.
  • You think we are selfish for wanting to go to church.
How many crowded funerals did George Floyd get, again?
I'd honestly think that the vast majority of criticism here is aimed specifically at church-going that pretty flagrantly refuses to practice social distancing. But yes, I think improper social distancing should be condemned no matter where it takes place. It really, really sucks to be where we are, especially when it comes to our inability to grieve and be with people.
  • You chose Biden and try to sell him as a reasonable centrist.
We know that he may have been that 20 years ago, but he's changed his agenda to be far more "progressive."
I'm not someone who's necessarily inclined to apologize for a more substantive shift to the left. That being said, it remains to be seen how much of Biden's rhetoric here is simply more... opportunistic, in terms of appealing to a wider, younger base that leans far more progressive, whereas he'd be aware that there's little he could really do in terms of more progressive measures actually passing in the Senate.
  • You tell us we're "selfish, greedy bastards."
Republicans give more than Democrats do to charity, and do so at all levels of income.
Some may say that, but I’d never make such a statement.
That Republicans are more charitable than Democrats is a well established fact; and there's no excuse for that — we have to do better. Maybe taking a closer look to try to found out exactly why this is the case can yield some interesting insights, though. (As it stands, I know virtually nothing about that.)
  • You say that Trump is going to have roaming bands of Nazi brownshirts on the streets terrorizing people.
You are now gathering to harass diners trying to eat meals outside...demanding they raise their fists, political figures trying to have dinner are being accosted, conservative journalists have had to move from their homes, you are shouting death threats outside the Senate Majority leader's house and now BLM apparently has a group targeting racist "citizens" to show up at their homes...
Again, as someone fairly committed to non-violence, you won't see me defend these more extreme actions. I do think, though, that at the same time that there are those who opportunistically hijack this movement for more anarchistic or radical purposes, there are a number of people on the other side who also over-eager to use moments like these to make radical political and social statements of their own. (I'll pick this back up in the section about armed protestors.)
Hit the character limit; continued below.
Part 2
  • You say that WE are "in a cult".
You have most major media giving you talking points that you agree with and you discuss how you've had to cut actual family and friends out of your life because they like "Mango Mussolini".
If my takeaway from the point about charity is that we Democrats/etc. have to do better, the takeaway from this one is is that we all have to do better. We especially need to work on not allowing ourselves to by riled up by media commentators — along with being more critical when some of their same sensationalism can spill over into the non-commentary section, too.
As for relationships with friends and family: I struggle with this in my personal life, too. Specifically, while I have an iron-clad policy to never initiate a political conversation or anything with my father, he sends me very sensationalist media and videos unsolicited all the time; and when I try to engage in some of the most respectful conversation about some of these things, he has a tendency to lose his temper very quickly. I know some struggle with the opposite problem.
  • You say that you are the ones who love minorities.
The vitriol that you express towards any member of a minority group that champions conservative beliefs is testimony that you do not.
I think this is one of the weaker responses in your post. It's easy to distinguish larger concern for a populace's well-being from political differences with individual minorities, without thinking the latter entails the former. But yes, occasionally, the idea that minorities can "vote against their own interests" (etc.) can be expressed silly and insensitive ways that have racist connotations — see Biden's "you ain’t black" comment.
  • You say that taking our kids to church is child abuse because they are impressionable.
But when kids are taken to riots by antifa parents and tear gas is deployed, it's the cops' fault for endangering the kids.
I'd imagine the view that taking kids to church s child abuse is fairly radical and uncommon. I'd imagine taking your kids to an Antifa rally is similarly radical and uncommon. I think focusing on these rare events creates more heat than light.
  • You say that you love America.
You voted for a dude that wanted it fundamentally transformed...you say that "it was never great" and some of you are openly wanting a socialist state and you are burning American flags in the streets now.
I think that "fundamentally transformed" can easily be taken more charitably. The Constitution and other legal fundamentals represent a certain set of principles that can't be abandoned; but it also allows for a wide range of views and policies re: how America should function politically and socially.
I’m aware that many have strongly held views about our "national" moral failures. And related to ths, one time, my dad expressed some very strong and disturbing views about Colin Kaepernick and his original protest. I tried to explain that I don't think his was a statement of anti-Americanism, but a provocative challenge to perceptions of the "America" of unbridled optimism, instead calling attention to those who have continually experienced America in a different, painful way (and who obviously looked forward to a day where they didn't have this experience).
  • Teachers are concerned that "conservative parents" might overhear the lessons they are teaching our kids.
You think they have a right to be scared of the parents who are paying their salaries.
I honestly have very little idea of what this is in reference to, so I'll skip this one. (Though I think it also risks conflating "some teachers" with "all teachers.")
  • You snidely said, "All buildings matter" on 9/11.
BLM Riots Are Officially the Most Costly Man made Damage to American Property in History
“All buildings matter” is silly statement basically expressing whataboutism — trying to critique a perceived disproportionate focus on 9/11 by comparing it to anti-BLM sentiment, which presumably is premising on pushing back on (what's perceived to be) a disproportionate focus on a relatively small number of lives.
  • You think you are the ones who understand civics.
You still insist that Hillary really won the 2016 election.
Maybe there's a (small) movement of people who think Clinton really won the electoral vote; but so far as it goes for most people, this obviously comes down to different philosophical views about the role of the electoral college vs. popular vote in determining the President.
  • You used to deny being socialists.
Now you often try to make self-posts here asking us, "What's wrong with having socialism?"
I won't say too much about this one. Somehow, though, I imagine that most of these aren't calls for "full-blown" socialism, but attempts to establish some common ground re: the necessity of a number of programs and initiatives of social welfare.
  • You think that kids making MAGA videos is wrong and exploitative.
But at the same age it's okay for other kids to do dancing in drag at strip clubs.
This is definitely one of the most bizarre and seemingly absurd items here. I can't imagine how small the number of people is that thinks it's okay for kids to be dancing in drag at strop club. But yes, I think that almost no one under the age of 14 or so is capable of grasping the nuance of most political debates (though I suppose that applies far beyond age 14), and that any media paying attention to this is sensationalism by very definition.
  • You demand that subreddits that seem to encourage violence and are conservative be "shut down".
You defend subreddits that advocate violence from the side that is currently PERPETRATING violence in the streets.
I've honestly never followed a lot of the controversy here, so I don't have anything to say on this. Again, though, as someone bit more inclined toward pacifism than most, I'd imagine this is an area that we have to do better on.
  • You complained when re open protests had armed people at them.
A member of a black militia actually opened fire accidentally at a BLM protest and shot three comrades in Louisville. We never hear about it.
In tandem with what I said in my previous comment, I have more blanket opposition toward weapons altogether. At the same time, I still support concealed carry, and would prefer to see much less open carry here — and I think we'd see much less violence here.
  • You think we're poorly informed due to the terrible media we consume.
You still don't know the true story of what happened to the Covington kids in DC and you still want Nick Sandmann to suffer for that hate-smirk.
I do think that our choice of media — particularly its emphasis on opinion/commentary — has a profound and negative effect on political thought, and especially dialogue. As for me personally, at the time of the Covington incident, I spent a great deal of time writing an objective account of events.
  • You think that Russia somehow nefariously influenced the last election via social media.
But you never question who might be behind your favorite left-wing social media sites and posts.
With the caveat that I haven't spent a lot of time researching this issue Russian state influence on social media here, my understanding was that this wasn't exactly a conspiracy theory, and more solidly established. Whatever the case, though, I think that something like this should be a concern to both sides of the political aisle, less than an opportunity to engage in whataboutism.
  • Trump has increased troop pay, improved military readiness, invested in support and worked for REAL reform for a VA long beleaguered by problems.
You tried to float the idea that Trump hates the troops.
My understanding (having not spent a ton of time focusing on issues like this in particular) is that the ideas of a reduced military readiness, etc., could be misleading at best.
As for Trump's personal attitude toward those in the military: one major thing I've learned from having spent extensive time critically analyzing the way we form and maintain beliefs is that way some of the ways our different views and opinions relate to each other can be complicated and perplexing. They can even be contradictory. It's certainly possible that Trump can both have respect for the military and service members as a whole, while at same time also harboring more cynical sentiments, too. (The same goes for his purported views about evangelical Christians, etc.)
  • You said it was grossly offensive, horrible, awful and racist to blame the virus on China.
But every day you slog on trying to blame the virus on Trump.
I think "responsibility" for COVID is spread out a lot more diffusely than some think, even domestically. But at the same time I think Trump's is a calculated deflection.
  • You complain at how the virus is decimating the economy.
But you don't care that the House won't get together with the Senate to cooperate on a Covid relief bill.
I wouldn’t have thought of the original claim as an idiosyncratically Democratic view. I also haven’t followed debate/analysis of the congressional talks about the relief bills, so I have nothing of value to add on that. I'll only say that obstructionism is in many ways the MO of the legislative branch as whole, and I think usually both sides end up making each other look bad, even if one could be said to be acting in more “good faith” than the other.
Hit character limit again; a little more below.
Part 3
  • You think it's too dangerous to vote in person.
But you think these protests just have to happen because the cause is too important.
I think this one has some slight nuance that I can't get fully into due to running out of character space. As a whole, though, if people believe this, I can't see it as anything other than hypocrisy. But again, I think it'd be silly to use that as the basis for insisting on one and not the other.
  • You think that white people are clueless and pretty racist and generally kinda bad and responsible for most of the suffering in the world.
But you want us to adopt the Nordic model of healthcare.
I think this is another of the weaker responses. I think very few of those (white persons) emphasizing the role of systemic racism are unaware that most governments officials — even ones they support — are, well, white. And I think it's silly to accuse them of hypocrisy in this. (I guess I just think "[y]ou think white people are clueless and pretty racist" is a pretty ridiculous characterization in the first place.)
  • You are LGBTQ+ - supportive!
... but when 45% of gay men say that they are backing Trump...SUDDENLY they are "immoral."
I feel much the same way about this comment as I do about your previous one about minority Trump supporters. I'd imagine a number of people were surprised at those poll results (on the dating app Hornet); but I don't think their surprise — and/or dismay — would have anything whatsoever to do with thinking that they were now immoral for being gay.
  • You've spent years blaming anti-vaxx on "the right."
But when Biden and Harris suggested that they wouldn't trust a Covid 19 vaccine because Trump is President, you were silent. They lied, people died?
I haven't really formed an opinion about this yet. For context, though, this Axos article quoting Biden's statement in full reads as follows:
“Let me be clear: I trust vaccines, I trust scientists, but I don’t trust Donald Trump,” Biden said. He then called on Trump to answer the following three questions, and said the American people should not have confidence if the president can't answer them:
"What criteria will be used to ensure that a vaccine meets the scientific standard of safety and effectiveness?"
"If the administration greenlights a vaccine, who will validate that the decision was driven by science rather than politics? What group of scientists will that be?"
"How can we be sure that the distribution of the vaccine will take place safely, cost-free and without a hint of favoritism?"
(End Biden quote.)
  • You keep insisting that the USA is the worst nation at dealing with Covid...
Per population, seven other countries have done "worse"...they are Belgium, the UK, Spain, Peru, Italy, Sweden and Chile.
If someone's misrepresented the statistics here, they should correct their view. On the other hand, I don't think the battle for "least worst" is particularly glorious one.
  • You seem to oppose any measure that would make our vote more secure and less prone to fraud. You insist that fraud doesn't happen.
But you are yelling that somehow Republicans are going to steal the election via some nebulous voter fraud.
I think both Democrats and Republicans have an interest in election security, but differing views on how to go about this — some more self-interested than others. I don't think there's a blanket denial that there's actually no election fraud whatsoever; just push-back against sensationalism about its prevalence. (I think anyone who thinks that there are millions of fraudulent votes is clearly engaging in a baseless conspiracy theory. I'd be surprised if there were more than 1,000 instances in any national election.)
But yes, by the same token, Democrats can also engage in this kind of hyperbole/hysteria about massive Russian-influenced voter fraud or whatever.
  • You think that our only objections to Obama were mustard and that tan suit. And only because we are racist.
IRS scandal, unconstitutional DACA, health reform disaster, Fast and Furious, disappearing stimulus money, spying on journalists and persecuting Fox, Iran pallets of cash, incoherent Middle East policy...to name a few...
I think we all need to be a lot more critical of the politicians we support, even if it's inconvenient or uncomfortable. I think a number of those are perfectly valid reasons for criticizing things that took place during the Obama administration — of course bearing in mind that it's not always direct Obama appointees, etc., who bear the brunt of responsibility for these scandals. (The same goes for the Trump administration, or any other one.) I think Trump of all people could/should admit that not everything that takes place in the course of an administration is the responsibility/fault of the administration.
  • You suddenly think you need guns because Trump is "worse than Hitler" and you might need to protect yourself from the government.
You are going to vote for a man who just tweeted that he's going to take the guns.
I'm assuming this is the tweet in question:
Weapons of war have no place in our communities.
We need to ban assault weapons and high-capacity magazines.
This coheres with the stated policy on the official Biden policy site:
Ban the manufacture and sale of assault weapons and high-capacity magazines. Federal law prevents hunters from hunting migratory game birds with more than three shells in their shotgun. That means our federal law does more to protect ducks than children. It’s wrong. Joe Biden will enact legislation to once again ban assault weapons. This time, the bans will be designed based on lessons learned from the 1994 bans. For example, the ban on assault weapons will be designed to prevent manufacturers from circumventing the law by making minor changes that don’t limit the weapon’s lethality. While working to pass this legislation, Biden will also use his executive authority to ban the importation of assault weapons.
I'm sure opinions range on whether this is a good thing or not; but calling this "taking your guns" is doubly inaccurate, in that 1) it doesn't suggest anything about taking these existing weapons from their currents owners, and 2) it seems to suggest a blanket ban on "guns" in general.
submitted by koine_lingua to u/koine_lingua [link] [comments]


2020.09.17 11:35 LlamaUtopian Bi dating apps??

TLDR: Bi specific dating apps??
(24 m uk for context)
Are there any good bisexual specific dating apps available in the UK? Because I’ve tried grindr a few times but always get the same reactions when mentioning I am bi: saying I’m gay in denial or “bi now gay later” or just flat out insults. I never realised how bad some of the gatekeeping is in the lgbt+ community for us bi people before experiencing it like that...
submitted by LlamaUtopian to bisexual [link] [comments]


2020.09.17 11:34 LlamaUtopian Bi specific dating apps??

(24 m uk for context)
Are there any good bisexual specific dating apps available in the UK? Because I’ve tried grindr a few times but always get the same reactions when mentioning I am bi: saying I’m gay in denial or “bi now gay later” or just flat out insults. I never realised how bad some of the gatekeeping is in the lgbt+ community for us bi people before experiencing it like that...
submitted by LlamaUtopian to bisexualadults [link] [comments]


2020.09.12 15:16 -ididntdoanything- Old coworker accused me of sexual assault, what could I have done differently

I worked in a gay nightclub in the UK, very casual coworker setting with nights out together and honestly everyone dates or dated someone. There’s no HR so all complaints go straight to management or senior management.
I started well over a year ago and was invited on a night out as a icebreaker. Quite fun and all the who are you, are you professionally trained and what are you questions, got to the what are you and I mentioned my asexuality and how I’m physically and mentally disturbed by the idea of sex or genitalia, easy to understand right I really don’t like it.
Not even a second later I have a hand crawling up my leg and a creepy coworker asking if I would consider sex. I remove his hand and give him a point blank no, make a scene out of going to the toilet and change seats when I return. 3 out of the 5 others present can remember how uncomfortable his presence made me this night. I never mentioned it to management because I needed a job and didn’t want to start with enemies.
I’m slowly fitting in to the place and start noticing all the little habits and cliques. There’s the senior we’ve sold our soul to here coworkers who freely talk to each other, the middle we might quit next week if I don’t sleep today coworkers, the new starts that don’t know WKD from Smirdoff and creepy coworker who tries to flirt with our engaged senior manager and act like he’s one of the managers.
2 months later and creepy coworker and I are somewhat social together. He invites me out for a movie and dinner at his, I ask if it’s a date and he asks if I would say no if he wanted it to be. Movie was fun, dinner was a takeaway and he let me stay the night on his couch until I could get a bus home.
2 weeks later we have another icebreaker get drunk together night with a new start. Creepy coworker asks to kiss me I’m like ok sure and it was revolting. I make mention of how I have to leave now or I’ll miss my bus, get a few couch offers including creepy coworker, end up going back to his and watching reality TV while I nosey through his magazine collection.
The next week at Friday cool down someone mentions how we’ve been see together a few times. I say we’ve been to the movies together and how he lets me sleep on his couch. He’s a secretive guy so I kept that going when asked about his room by only mentioning how he a film graduate student has a ridiculously huge movie collection.
2 month later I’m actually dating a different coworker more senior to creepy guy when I’m called into the office to talk to senior management. I’ve been bragging about my sexual activities with creepy coworker, I grab the rubbish bin and lose my dinner, I try to explain that I don’t know where this is coming from but he’s let me sleep on his couch twice and how he had once asked me out.
Senior management refuses to believe me, my story doesn’t line up with creepy coworkers or his brothers. I ask them to talk to my partner about my thoughts on creepy coworker and they say they’ve heard enough. I’m not being fired but I’m personally responsible to see that I don’t talk to him, interact with him, mention him or be placed on the same floor as him.
Suddenly creepy coworker gets a promotion my partner was due for, a promotion creepy coworker should be a year away from. Then suddenly I’m doing everything wrong, I’m washing cups wrong, my five year experience and training are wrong and not as good as his single week of training, I need to stop smiling at customers I’m leading them on, I need to stop smiling at fellow coworkers I’m being gross leading them on and cheating on my partner. And this entire time I do as I’m told hear him acknowledge and don’t reply.
A complete year later and my partner go on a night out to work as is expected of us contractually. Minimal PDA, some hand holding, leaning against and buying each other drinks, creepy coworker is on rotation and somehow manages to walk past us every 5 minutes. We’ve been together a year and an age, the regulars know we’re dating, the owner thinks we’re cute together and management just asks we don’t have “recreational fun” in the toilets which we both agree would never happen.
The next night we’re both in I start hearing rumours, sexually disgusting rumours, nearly all the staff know a different story. Then I walk in on creepy coworker telling senior management about how “I like it” in very graphic detail, saying how he’s seen us at it in x y z places. I stop short of throwing up over him and start screaming at him, my first words to him in well over a year.
I look senior management straight in the eye and tell her I’m going home I’m sick I have real bad period cramps and walk out. A phone call later and I’m told by management I need to come back to work and explain my lies and how I can’t use a female reason, I explain I’m female I have a female reason and I can’t as I’m in a police station waiting to make a statement (a lie I regret not going through with). They hang up.
20 minutes later the owner has called me along with senior management to get me to explain myself. I explain that I’ve had enough with creepy coworker and his lies, only to be stopped by senior management asking me about my lie, I ask what lie and she begins to talk about how I have O marked on my legal documents and how I’m a transwoman and how last year creepy coworker had said I made him touch my male genitalia.
I through rage explain that I’m Intersex, I’ll probably never have kids due to this birth defect and how I am very much sure that I have female genitalia. Silence in the phone and the owner gets back to me that I have a paid week off before hanging up.
The next week me and my partner were fired. We were planning on leaving and had interviews set up that entire week but I still wonder why us. After we were fired, 7 others our closer friends there quit. With 9 of its 14 staff gone and their weekly turnaround rate they shut 3 months later. Every so often I run into someone in the hospitality industry that’s “heard” about me and every single time their source matches the description of creepy coworker.
This happened years ago and I regret not going to get legal help. I still wonder what would of happened if I did this all the “right” way, or more specifically how much could I of made. Also as I’m looking to go on in the future to own my own bar what mistakes were made that I shouldn’t plan on remembering.
submitted by -ididntdoanything- to legaladvice [link] [comments]


2020.09.12 15:15 -ididntdoanything- Being accused of sexual assault/harassment even a year after the fact

I worked in a gay nightclub in the UK, very casual coworker setting with nights out together and honestly everyone dates or dated someone. There’s no HR so all complaints go straight to management or senior management.
I started well over a year ago and was invited on a night out as a icebreaker. Quite fun and all the who are you, are you professionally trained and what are you questions, got to the what are you and I mentioned my asexuality and how I’m physically and mentally disturbed by the idea of sex or genitalia, easy to understand right I really don’t like it.
Not even a second later I have a hand crawling up my leg and a creepy coworker asking if I would consider sex. I remove his hand and give him a point blank no, make a scene out of going to the toilet and change seats when I return. 3 out of the 5 others present can remember how uncomfortable his presence made me this night. I never mentioned it to management because I needed a job and didn’t want to start with enemies.
I’m slowly fitting in to the place and start noticing all the little habits and cliques. There’s the senior we’ve sold our soul to here coworkers who freely talk to each other, the middle we might quit next week if I don’t sleep today coworkers, the new starts that don’t know WKD from Smirdoff and creepy coworker who tries to flirt with our engaged senior manager and act like he’s one of the managers.
2 months later and creepy coworker and I are somewhat social together. He invites me out for a movie and dinner at his, I ask if it’s a date and he asks if I would say no if he wanted it to be. Movie was fun, dinner was a takeaway and he let me stay the night on his couch until I could get a bus home.
2 weeks later we have another icebreaker get drunk together night with a new start. Creepy coworker asks to kiss me I’m like ok sure and it was revolting. I make mention of how I have to leave now or I’ll miss my bus, get a few couch offers including creepy coworker, end up going back to his and watching reality TV while I nosey through his magazine collection.
The next week at Friday cool down someone mentions how we’ve been see together a few times. I say we’ve been to the movies together and how he lets me sleep on his couch. He’s a secretive guy so I kept that going when asked about his room by only mentioning how he a film graduate student has a ridiculously huge movie collection.
2 month later I’m actually dating a different coworker more senior to creepy guy when I’m called into the office to talk to senior management. I’ve been bragging about my sexual activities with creepy coworker, I grab the rubbish bin and lose my dinner, I try to explain that I don’t know where this is coming from but he’s let me sleep on his couch twice and how he had once asked me out.
Senior management refuses to believe me, my story doesn’t line up with creepy coworkers or his brothers. I ask them to talk to my partner about my thoughts on creepy coworker and they say they’ve heard enough. I’m not being fired but I’m personally responsible to see that I don’t talk to him, interact with him, mention him or be placed on the same floor as him.
Suddenly creepy coworker gets a promotion my partner was due for, a promotion creepy coworker should be a year away from. Then suddenly I’m doing everything wrong, I’m washing cups wrong, my five year experience and training are wrong and not as good as his single week of training, I need to stop smiling at customers I’m leading them on, I need to stop smiling at fellow coworkers I’m being gross leading them on and cheating on my partner. And this entire time I do as I’m told hear him acknowledge and don’t reply.
A complete year later and my partner go on a night out to work as is expected of us contractually. Minimal PDA, some hand holding, leaning against and buying each other drinks, creepy coworker is on rotation and somehow manages to walk past us every 5 minutes. We’ve been together a year and an age, the regulars know we’re dating, the owner thinks we’re cute together and management just asks we don’t have “recreational fun” in the toilets which we both agree would never happen.
The next night we’re both in I start hearing rumours, sexually disgusting rumours, nearly all the staff know a different story. Then I walk in on creepy coworker telling senior management about how “I like it” in very graphic detail, saying how he’s seen us at it in x y z places. I stop short of throwing up over him and start screaming at him, my first words to him in well over a year.
I look senior management straight in the eye and tell her I’m going home I’m sick I have real bad period cramps and walk out. A phone call later and I’m told by management I need to come back to work and explain my lies and how I can’t use a female reason, I explain I’m female I have a female reason and I can’t as I’m in a police station waiting to make a statement (a lie I regret not going through with). They hang up.
20 minutes later the owner has called me along with senior management to get me to explain myself. I explain that I’ve had enough with creepy coworker and his lies, only to be stopped by senior management asking me about my lie, I ask what lie and she begins to talk about how I have O marked on my legal documents and how I’m a transwoman and how last year creepy coworker had said I made him touch my male genitalia.
I through rage explain that I’m Intersex, I’ll probably never have kids due to this birth defect and how I am very much sure that I have female genitalia. Silence in the phone and the owner gets back to me that I have a paid week off before hanging up.
The next week me and my partner were fired. We were planning on leaving and had interviews set up that entire week but I still wonder why us. After we were fired, 7 others our closer friends there quit. With 9 of its 14 staff gone and their weekly turnaround rate they shut 3 months later. Every so often I run into someone in the hospitality industry that’s “heard” about me and every single time their source matches the description of creepy coworker.
This happened years ago and I regret not going to get legal help. I still wonder what would of happened if I did this all the “right” way, or more specifically how much could I of made. Also as I’m looking to go on in the future to own my own bar what mistakes were made that I shouldn’t plan on remembering.
submitted by -ididntdoanything- to AskHR [link] [comments]


2020.09.11 18:00 raicicle Popheads Featuring... Tom Aspaul

Tom Aspaul is an upcoming British pop artist who has written for the likes of Kylie Minogue, Celeste and AlunaGeorge. Popheads talked to Tom about the disco resurgence and switching from songwriter to artist as he geared up for the release of his debut album "Black Country Disco".

https://preview.redd.it/mw3zipy44jm51.png?width=1348&format=png&auto=webp&s=f39803d0272b45563b244df0d8bc9736b03b0a17
When we talk to Tom over Zoom, he’s sitting in one of those old English kitchens that you might see on a family cooking show. It felt like a natural backdrop to the conversation which seemed to centre around the idea of home, with Tom explaining beforehand that the day we were planning to chat to him was his mom’s 60th birthday and he had to schedule around a celebratory lunch they’d planned—as we find out while we talk, moving back to his hometown shaped the trajectory of his debut album too.
https://preview.redd.it/hnf0yrqa4jm51.jpg?width=1110&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=992380f3e5e386b57de05709f77d140ca177c15e
His debut album Black Country Disco is now tantalisingly close to release (September 14th) when we speak, which we got the chance to hear in advance—it’s an unadulterated romp through the sounds of disco clocking in just under 30 mins, with razor-sharp hooks and tight harmonies driven home by his distinctive falsetto. Single ‘Close 2 Me’ opens the album with a Bee Gees strut while elsewhere album cut ‘Dead Already (Save Yourself)’ fuses classic muted disco guitar with bossa nova rhythms and tropicália basslines. There’s also a tongue-in-cheek humor to the album, and an effervescent enthusiasm on even its most personal moments that makes it tempting to wonder if this is essentially what Carly Rae Jepsen’s scrapped disco record would have sounded like.
It’s a concept album too, tracking his move back from London to his hometown (in a Midlands region called the Black Country, giving the album its name; the album is scattered with numerous geographic references too) after a recent break-up with his then-boyfriend of 5 years. It’s a heartbreak record for sure (“I’m not reinventing the wheel, Adele can do heartbreak, anyone can,” he comments), but only so many heartbreak records are gay heartbreak records. Few albums commit to this level of camp, including visually with Tom bleaching his hair blonde and going for a full biker moustache look whose associations with gay culture can’t be ignored, even if you simply consider Village People and Glenn Hughe’s leather biker look.
“I’m doing everything myself, so I’m quite frantic,” Tom says, his bleach blonde hair still boldly visible against both the English gloom and video call noise. He’s been masterminding practically every aspect of his album campaign from running the label to sorting out the press and creating the merch. His work ethic is hugely admirable but he emphasises his music at the heart of it. “But, you know, I’m super excited because it’s been a year in the making and I’m really excited to have music out there.”
Tom has primarily been behind-the-scenes in previous years (although he has had some past solo music out). One of his biggest songwriting credits to date is on Kylie Minogue’s ‘Feel So Good’, a memorable album cut from her twelve studio album Kiss Me Once. Yet what some casual listeners may miss is that it’s actually a straight cover of one of Tom’s earliest tracks ‘Indiana’, that he made with MNEK. When his publisher at the time told him that Kylie wanted to record the track for her upcoming album, he initially had mixed feelings. He pulls a slight face and recalls, “I was like, I don’t know because it’s a cover.” He makes clear of his love for Kylie regardless, whose sound can be heard all over Tom’s own album, and notes that he relented realising a previous single ‘2 Hearts’ was in fact also a cover that made its way to her in a very similar way. “This was a very early on in my writing career as well, so in some ways, it was amazing because all of a sudden I was in the room with Little Mix and people like that.”
He does lament somewhat that the circumstances left him somewhat pigeonholed as a songwriter and not an artist. “From then until now with this record, it’s been really difficult for me balancing that and I’ve finally found the balance.” Kylie is serendipitously releasing an album called DISCO later this year as well, a sound she explored on albums like Light Years, which Tom had referenced earlier in our conversation. In a full-circle moment, one of the singles from Black Country Disco, ‘W.M’, a sort-of Chromeo moment about the local tram line (“So we’re gonna take a ride on the Midland Metro/Line 1, ‘cos there’s only one line”) even ended up on a Kylie-curated Spotify playlist of disco songs in the lead-up to her album.
\"...in some ways, it was amazing because all of a sudden I was in the room with Little Mix and people like that.\"
2020 has generally seen a huge disco resurgence, not just from Kylie, but from the likes of Dua Lipa, Doja Cat, Miley Cyrus and Lady Gaga. Tom says he’s been surprised by so many huge artists going this route, but also adds, “What I’m hearing isn’t really disco sonically, but more the aesthetic they’re using. A lot of the music is almost 80s synthwave, synthpop...it encompasses such a wide range of sounds.” Black Country Disco’s relatively lean runtime relies more on classic disco sounds, with as much 70s influences as 80s synthwave aesthetics.
“One of my favourite albums of the year is Jessie Ware’s album,” referring to What’s Your Pleasure?, “I listened to a lot of that record before producing the final two songs.” Tom has been primarily working with a London-based producer Gil Lewis for his debut album, working remotely because of his move and the pandemic which he does say has been a logistical uphill battle. But, during lockdown, Tom took a month to learn to produce himself (“It’s a massive step forward for me, and gives me a bit more independence as an artist”) with the last two tracks recorded in June, ‘01902’ (named after the telephone area code where Tom resides) and the titular ‘Black Country Disco’ being the result of this work. They are, in Tom’s words, “a bit more sexy” than the rest of the record which focuses more on the heartbreak surrounding his breakup and the influence of Jessie Ware’s mature and self-confident take on disco is apparent. The emotional journey that he experienced during his breakup is something that he has tried to let the listeners experience too. He tells us that his ex actually got in touch with him to tell him he’s been listening to his most recent single ‘Tender’ but hasn’t heard the rest of the album yet “which is probably a good thing”.
The disco on Tom’s album is however contextualised within the West Midlands, an unassuming area in the middle of England that lies in stark difference to London; the Black Country refers to a particular region in the West Midlands. We ask if there’s a good way to explain the regional significance to people outside the UK. He compares it to the Rust Belt in the US. “They were all areas of manufacturing and industry in the 60s, then all of a sudden that gets taken away and there’s a lot of poverty and deprivation.” We talk about Cleveland and Detroit, two places inundated in this history but home to some of America’s richest musical scenes.
Tom lists some of the acts to come out of the West Midlands, like Led Zeppelin, Black Sabbath, Christine McVie from Fleetwood Mac, all noticeably rock musicians. How does a disco album fit into this context? He says it’s an act of subversion, going against the expected. Even the album cover plays reference to this idea, which he based on the logos of bands like Black Sabbath. “I thought it’s gonna be really funny if I’m going to put out a gay disco record and you have imagery associated with metal.”
\"If I could do anything different, I would just luxuriate in the music a bit more because that came from a sense of pressure to want to get playlisted and want people to play repeat.”
Despite having barely finished his debut album, Tom is already thinking about what he’s going to do next. Remixes for the album are coming out soon, mentioning that he’s recording new vocals for the remix in the vein of Mariah Carey. His desire for extended remixes comes from fears that dealing with streaming and playlisting changed his vision for the album. “All the songs on the album are really short, bar one. Looking back, if I could do anything different, I would just luxuriate in the music a bit more because that came from a sense of pressure to want to get playlisted and want people to play repeat.” Next week, Tom has a Becky Hill writing camp so he hasn’t stopped songwriting either. Some things inevitably have fallen to the wayside due to the pandemic, like performing the album live on tour and Pride events that got cancelled. Even that doesn’t seem to dampen his spirits too much, as he wants to spend the extra time anyway looking into performing with a live band rather than a DJ and a backing track.
He’s even planning his next album, which he has a clear idea for. Tom knows that he wants to move out of disco, and that he has another specific decade in mind for the sound of it, which he wants to finish in the next year (“I want to keep churning it out like Ariana Grande”). He has a feature in the works that will hopefully bridge the two projects too. He does however joke that he’s worried about what he’s going to write about, without a dramatic life event in tow like a breakup or moving across the country, but is excited for what the future holds.
Tom’s coming down to London for a few things, like a release party for the album, but it seems that for the time being, the West Midlands seem like the place to be for him and a vital part of his creative reinvigoration. The one thing back home he could probably do without though? “There’s like huge spiders coming down at the moment. I don’t know what to do, I’ve tried everything. I can’t.”
Surprise single ’01902’ is out today on streaming services. You can discuss the song here. Tom’s album Black Country Disco is out everywhere on Monday 14th September.
https://preview.redd.it/yh0j43h74jm51.png?width=1348&format=png&auto=webp&s=feb3c9202db3ad66c4e1c701b4a81699101416b9
Interview conducted via Zoom by u/raicicle and u/berober04 Written by Noel Z. (u/raicicle) Edited by u/berober04 and u/eklxtreme Images courtesy of Tom Aspaul (Credits: Kasia Clarke and Sam Taylor-Edwards) 
submitted by raicicle to popheads [link] [comments]


2020.09.11 16:13 rollforgaynitiative [Online][5e][UTC+1][Afternoons/weekends] Looking for Wholesome Gay Comedy Improv!

I know the title is a doozie, but hear me out.
What we're looking to build:
Think of it as the funny and gay bits of The Adventure Zone all smooshed together and released in tidbits. (Yes, we're still playing DND 5th edition!)
An example of some games we've played, to give you an idea: Gay speed-dating at the local bar to try and find who the secret vampire is, Trying to enjoy a peaceful weekend getaway but Who Put All These Ghosts In Here??, and [spoilers for character backstories so I can't tell you].
The group so far
ALSO, a disclaimer: We are not professionals, we just have some practice making stupid gay jokes to make each other laugh, so don't hesitate to apply.
EDIT: This is a gay gayme for gays to be gay in, gayly. If that isn't clear enough.
submitted by rollforgaynitiative to lfg [link] [comments]


2020.09.10 01:56 Lelouch_19 ACHIEVEMENTS GUIDE WITH ROYALTY UPDATE

[REPOST of this.]
LAST UPDATED: 09/13/2020 ~ Lion Tamer achievement has link to a new post I created with notes and how-to guide.

Royalty:

Longevity:

Keep your health up by going to the gym, meditating, taking walks, and going to the doctor when you're sick.

Wealth:

The fastest way to become wealthy is to become a famous actor or famous writer. I also recommend living in countries that don't have estate tax such as Germany, Sweden, Monaco, & Norway. Start off with high looks for actor or high smarts for writer. Join social media & post every year. When you become famous, do a commercial every year.
While there are other high paying jobs such as porn star, model, and music composer, I do not recommend these because you won't be able to make much extra money on the side. For porn star and model, you can do photo shoots, but they don't pay nearly as much as commercials do.

Real Estate:

Become wealthy using the advice for wealthy achievements. For flipping houses, buy equestrian properties & keep renovating them when necessary. If you buy an equestrian property in your 20s, by the time you're in your 70s-80s, the net worth of the property will increase by a few millions.

Social Media:

Become famous and post every year. When your fame bar is at 75%, request verification.

Animal:

Career:

Follow this career guide.

Combat:

Disease:

Entertainment:

Fame:

Fertility:

Love:

Military:

Prison

School:

Vehicle:

Get rich using the steps in the wealth section above. Obtain your pilot & boating license to complete these achievements.
General:

Crime:

Pet:

submitted by Lelouch_19 to BitLifeApp [link] [comments]


2020.09.09 23:53 highvaluefemale2020 Reasons why it can be amazing to be in a same sex relationship?

Of course there are individual differences and not all women will be like below and with any relationships there can be misunderstandings/cheating etc but these are the amazing things that can be experienced and just want to put it out there for anyone struggling or facing homophobia, heterosexism or compulsive heterosexuality. it does get better and there is light at the end of the tunnel. Personally i needed these reasons as a closeted south asian origin girl where compulsive heterosexuality is really strict. But i know love women and only want to be with them. I want to wake up in the arms of the softness of a woman, feeling her soft lips, breasts and body against me. Ive had that before and its worth the wait. So here is this list
  1. Being able to solve conflicts often occurs with power struggle and with a sense of humour. Something heterosexual couples can learn. Same sex couples use less fear based, less domination, controlling and hostile tactics. Better at resolving issues “When it comes to emotions, we think these couples may operate with very different principles than straight couples. Straight couples may have a lot to learn from gay and lesbian relationships, "The difference on these ‘control’ related emotions suggests that fairness and power-sharing between the partners is more important and more common in gay and lesbian relationships than in straight ones,” Gottman explained. https://www.gottman.com/about/research/same-sex-couples/
  2. More equal household especially with kids - in terms of less controlling, manipulative, possessive behaviour - more equality in household chores/childcare/finances - more use of orgasms to de-escalate conflict - decision making is more equal The article states " Well, what we found consistently in our research is that same-sex couples tend to be much more egalitarian in their relationships. They share decision-making more equally, finances more equally, housework more equally, childcare more equally. Basically every dimension we looked at, same-sex couples are dramatically more equal in the way they function together as a couple compared to heterosexual couples. "
  3. More orgasms- as women realise how each other's bodies work and that clitoral/vaginal stimulation leads to more orgasms, women can have multiple orgasms and that in general lesbian sex doesn't need to follow a script it can be creative. Sexual encounters are usually of greater duration, there is more foreplay then heterosexual encounters. https://www.psychologytoday.com/au/blog/the-third-wave/201602/why-do-lesbians-have-more-orgasms-straight-women
  4. More flexibility in terms of roles - thinking outside gender roles and towards what one partner is better at/fairer distribution of tasks. 74% take on shared responsibility of kids vs 38% in opposite sex relationships https://www.washingtonpost.com/news/wonk/wp/2015/05/07/study-men-are-lazy-to-their-core/?utm_term=.e612df93fd29 https://www.washingtonpost.com/news/wonk/wp/2015/06/04/what-gay-couples-get-about-relationships-that-straight-couples-often-dont/?utm_term=.1de5ed23b158
  5. Female love is in general more nurturing, more sensitive, compassionate, generous, sweet and can be unconditional. More likely to be there for you when sick, to encourage you when you are down and to motivate you when things aren't going as well. Ive heard many dating coaches mention how love that females give is different to male. Ive personally found this in my relationships with women compared to superficial relationships i had with guys. It could also be because im pretty gay.
  6. Flexibility to make your own rules, rituals with your partner then need to follow traditions which could be toxic.
  7. Females process emotions differently and may be more emotionally available then men, More likely to take on emotional labor. https://www.healthline.com/health-news/men-and-women-process-emotions-differently-100115#1
  8. The struggle for lgbt rights unites us. If homophobic friends and family are lost in the process then isn't it better to lose those toxic relationships, find an accepting family of choice and have a healthier support system around you. Let those toxic relationships go if you are present and positive in your self identity you will attract healthier relationships. https://www.psychologytoday.com/au/blog/high-octane-women/201108/the-hidden-health-hazards-toxic-relationships
  9. celebrity status ( i dont know if this one is as much of a benefit). http://www.lesbiannews.com/how-different-straight-and-lesbian-relationships/
  10. Same sex relationships are healthier and better at communication , better able to bond over gender specific issues. https://www.yourtango.com/2016294172/why-same-sex-gay-lesbian-LGBTQ-relationships-better-than-heterosexual-couples
  11. Understand each other on an emotional level - greater mutual understanding
  12. You can learn to love and appreciate the parts of yourself by loving the same things in your partner.
  1. Less expectations and pressure
21. Expectations and conformity to heteronormativity in heterosexual relationships
  1. Soft skin and lips 28. Breasts (better than man boobs anyway) 29. checking out other girls together 30. No unexpected surprises or pregnancies. When you want a child it's a chosen and joint decision. 31. Women make more active attempts to remember dates like bdays 32. Males in general but not all have a higher rate of intimate partner violence, domestic violence etc
Of course this can happen in a same sex relationship but i think its rarer. 33. Women appreciate you for who you are above just looks and they see your "flaws" as perfect. Like I have small breasts and guys have pointed that out . All the girls I've been with who have bigger breasts have said my breasts are perfect and I don't need to change anything about me.
  1. Women love to give cunnilingus more and don't see oral sex as a competitive thing in terms of who does it more.
Please feel free to add more if you have any others. Maybe there are guys who might have all the above but it's more common and frequent in females and female relationships.
It's not always easy being in a same sex relationship but that's not because of the relationship but because of society and straight presenting privilege. That's something we can work around. We can choose who we consider negative and toxic influences to exclude from.our life and build a positive and supportive network of chosen bi/febfem/gay/straight allies family. I have made my chosen family online and offline which is important since I'm from south Asian background and the patriarchy/pressures to settle in a heterosexual relationship are massive
https://thefrisky.com/6-major-differences-between-gay-and-straight-dating-according-to-a-bisexual-woman/
submitted by highvaluefemale2020 to latebloomerlesbians [link] [comments]


2020.09.09 22:20 Farns4 CMV: Sexuality Labels Actually Work Against Progressive Ideals

I was reading an article the other day by an elderly gentleman self-described as 'gay' in The Spectator (a UK publication) and it significantly piqued my interest. In it, he talks about growing up in the fifties and noticing the shifting attitudes toward sexuality over his lifetime.
What really caught my interest was a section of the article that discussed how prior to the Victorian era, verbs (rather than nouns) were used to describe sex/sexuality I.e. sex was something that one DID rather than who one WAS. Sure, these were times in which much sexual activity was subject to harsh moral disapproval yet there was a vastly agreed upon notion that anyone could feel the 'pull' of attraction toward anyone regardless of gender - and this was considered totally normal!
Fast forward some decades and the attitude shifts as discussions surrounding sex become less taboo (especially during the 50s & 60s) & various scientists/sociologists make attempts to determine the exact number of 'homosexuals' in society. This is all in good faith for some as it was meant to study and sometimes give credence to those who were subject to discriminatory anti-sodomy laws at the time but at the same time it had the effect of boxing individuals into a category.
Essentially the theme of the article was that 'words create categories that people don't fall neatly into'. It got me thinking. What if we still regarded homosexuality as an activity rather than an identity? Wouldn't it be MORE normalized to see your homie (or homegirl) bring a dude or chick home after a party? Perhaps it would be totally normal to see two women or two men holding hands at the alter in rural Mississippi?
I have come to hold the belief that adopting these labels such as gay, lesbian or bi are actually more regressive than many believe. Like if a dude in the gay community who has gone through the process of coming out to his friends/family and has held his sexuality as a significant part of his identity realizes an opposite-sex attraction (or vice-versa) later in life wouldn't that make it an equally difficult experience as coming out initially was considering the fact that he's built his entire identity around the fact that he liked guys?
I've seen anecdotal (and admittedly rarer) examples of this where a 'gay' man discovers feelings for a woman and tells people he's 'straight' but is told by those around him that this is nothing more than either a delusion or perhaps further evidence of him repressing his 'true' sexuality. (I guess you don't really see a lot of skepticism toward a married man who realizes he likes another man bc we are told that he was just repressing his 'true' self all along due to societal conditioning without giving plausibility to the idea that he could have truly loved his wife but has just developed feeling for his mate Dave...idk).
Idk if I'm articulating myself very well here but what I'm trying to get at is simply that calling ourselves 'gay' 'straight' or 'bi' ignores and suppresses the true range of human sexuality by cornering people into a box making it more difficult for people to be who they are and love who they love/fuck who they fuck.
Does anyone have a compelling argument for why these terms should exist today? Wouldn't it be better for someone to just casually date whomever without an elaborate 'coming out' process? Lmk & CMV 🙂
EDIT: Here's the article I'm referring to for those who want additional context: https://www.spectator.co.uk/article/the-fact-no-one-likes-to-admit-many-gay-men-could-just-have-easily-been-straight/amp
submitted by Farns4 to changemyview [link] [comments]


2020.09.08 23:42 DeEmeBe Don’t know how to act...

Hello everyone! I’m a first timer posting on Reddit so please be nice hahahaha
So, I need some opinions/ advice and I think this may be the better place to ask for it. I’ll start from the beginning: I (30,F) was born and raised in a small town in Spain. I always liked men but during my teenage years I felt sexually attracted to the feminine body as well. I never said anything because things weren’t easy back then (they still aren’t) and I grew up surrounded of comments like “either you’re straight or gay, but wanting both is pure vice” and the sorts 😓 (not from my parents though, but from family and close friends). Anyway, to myself I have always though that I am bisexual however I never had any experiences with another woman.
When I was 25 I moved to UK for work and tried to be more truthful to myself and started going out to LGBTQ+ friendly places but, being shy as I am, I never made a move and eventually I ended up in a relationship with a man, who I married. I still would noticed the girls around me and fantasise, even with coworkers in the changing rooms. My husband and I separated last April so I think this is it, now is my time to actually try and see how things are with another woman...
So I joined this dating app but because I have no experience whatsoever and I have only been with men I am absolutely terrified to speak to anyone because I am afraid that either they will be disappointed that I have no experience; or think that I am just bored and I’m taking the p***; or because I don’t know how to flirt (in general, not only with women).
I really don’t know what to expect from this but I guess some hints/tips or maybe someone telling me I’m paranoid and things like that don’t happen would be nice 😅😅.
Thanks!
submitted by DeEmeBe to LGBTQgeneral [link] [comments]


2020.09.07 15:39 rusticgorilla Lost in the Sauce: DHS hides intelligence that reveals Trump using Russia's playbook, again

Welcome to Lost in the Sauce, keeping you caught up on political and legal news that often gets buried in distractions and theater… or a global health crisis.
Housekeeping:

Trump’s playbook is Russia’s playbook

The Department of Homeland Security (DHS) in July withheld an intelligence bulletin warning of a Russian plot to spread misinformation regarding Joe Biden's mental health. The bulletin, titled “Russia Likely to Denigrate Health of U.S. Candidates to Influence 2020 Election,” was blocked by the office of acting DHS Secretary Chad Wolf on July 9.
  • The bulletin states that analysts had “high confidence” in their conclusion. However, a DHS spokesperson tried to defend the “delay” in issuing the document by saying it did not meet the agency’s standards. This is curious because just a week later, on July 16, DHS circulated a bulletin on anarchists in Portland that officers admitted they had “low confidence” in. Why was the Russia memo held back but the Portland one released?
  • Trump has been pushing the same line of attack against Biden for months - yet another instance of Russia and Trump operating from the same playbook. For instance, in March Trump said there was “something going on” with Biden; in June Trump ran selectively edited ads asserting that Biden is “unfit to serve as Commander in Chief”; last month Trump ran a digital ad portraying Biden as perpetually confused and mentally unstable. Most recently, Trump said questions about his own health are only in the news because “they want to try and get me to be on Biden's physical level."
DHS is just the latest agency in the Trump administration to erode election security, following actions by the Justice Department and the Office of the Director of National Intelligence (ODNI) last month. DNI John Ratcliffe announced he was ending in-person congressional briefings on election security ahead of November and AG Bill Barr removed a leading career official at the Justice Department’s national security division, replacing him with an inexperienced political appointee.
The ODNI’s decision to halt congressional election briefs may have been influenced by top White House officials. National Security Adviser Robert O’Brien and Chief of Staff Mark Meadows, among others, have repeatedly discussed in meetings with staff and with Trump “how to restrict and control the flow of information on such sensitive topics to Capitol Hill.”
One White House official told The Daily Beast that Meadows has for months been wary of the type of briefings on Capitol Hill that Democratic sources can potentially use to try to make Trump look bad through surreptitious leaks to media outlets.
Meanwhile, interim Chair of the Senate Intelligence Committee Marco Rubio (R-FL) said last week that his committee will be granted an exception to the ODNI’s new policy and continue to receive in-person briefings from top U.S. intelligence officials about election-security issues. This essentially means that only Democrat-led committees have been cut out of the process ensuring election security.
House Democrats wrote to Ratcliffe insinuating if his office does not provide the previously scheduled briefings this month they will issue subpoenas and/or defund the ODNI in the appropriations bill due by the end of the month. Read the letter here.
In addition to attacks on Biden’s health, DHS has determined that Russia is seeking to “amplify” concerns over the integrity of U.S. elections by promoting allegations that mail-in voting will lead to widespread fraud. Intelligence analysts say this strategy has been underway since at least March, coinciding with Trump’s own assaults on mail-in voting.
  • For instance, in March Trump said if he agreed to funding vote-by-mail expansions in the first coronavirus stimulus bill, the U.S. would see “levels of voting that, if you ever agreed to it, you’d never have a Republican elected in this country again” (clip). Fact check: Neither party has historically benefited. On April 7, at the White House press briefing, Trump claimed: "Mail ballots are a very dangerous thing for this country, because they're cheaters… They're fraudulent in many cases" (clip). Fact check: There is no evidence that mail ballots are dangerous or fraudulent.
At a White House press briefing on Friday, Trump denied there is any proof that Russia poisoned opposition leader Alexei Navalny. Instead of backing the German government's analysis of Nalvany's illness, Trump then redirected the criticism from Russia to China (clip).
"I don't know exactly what happened. I think it's tragic. It's terrible; it shouldn't happen. We haven't had any proof yet, but I will take a look. It is interesting that everybody is always mentioning Russia - and I don't mind you mentioning Russia - but I think probably China, at this point, is a nation that you should be talking about much more so than Russia. Because the things that China's doing are far worse.”
Trump then went on to say he’s “taken stronger action against Russia than any other country in the world,” but added “I do get along with President Putin” (clip).
  • RELATED: Leaked notes obtained by the Telegraph say that when Theresa May asked for Trump to take a strong stand after Russia poisoned Sergei Skripal, Trump replied “I’d rather follow than lead.” He pushed May to “put together a coalition” first.
The Trump administration plans to deport a Russian national living in America, a move experts say is in response to a politically motivated request by Russia. Gregory Duralev was persecuted by the Russian state for exposing corruption. He fled to America and applied for asylum in 2015. While waiting for a decision on his application, he was arrested by ICE and jailed for nearly 18 months. His case is now in court.
“DHS has acted no better than the Russian authorities,” Duralev said. “They simply fabricated charges against me for violations I never committed — and if DHS can trump up charges against immigrants with impunity, nobody can guarantee they won’t start doing it” to regular Americans. “So that’s the main message I now hope to send.”

Michael Cohen & Peter Strzok

Former FBI agent Peter Strzok has a book coming out called “Compromised.” In it, he alleges that FBI investigators came to believe it was “conceivable, if unlikely” that Russia was secretly controlling President Trump after he took office:
“We certainly had evidence that this was the case: that Trump, while gleefully wreaking havoc on America’s political institutions and norms, was pulling his punches when it came to our historic adversary, Russia,” Strzok writes. “Given what we knew or had cause to suspect about Trump’s compromising behavior in the weeks, months, and years leading up to the election, moreover, it also seemed conceivable, if unlikely, that Moscow had indeed pulled off the most stunning intelligence achievement in human history: secretly controlling the president of the United States — a Manchurian candidate elected.”
He now says he doesn’t believe that Trump is literally a Russian spy: “I don’t think that Trump, when he meets with Putin, receives a task list for the next quarter,” Strzok said, referencing the Russian president, Vladimir Putin. “But I do think the president is compromised, that he is unable to put the interests of our nation first, that he acts from hidden motives, because there is leverage over him, held specifically by the Russians but potentially others as well.”
In an interview with Politico, Strzok confirms that he and then-deputy FBI Director Andrew McCabe, opened a counterintelligence case on the president, but that it likely was never pursued. Two weeks ago, NYT reported that Rosenstein secretly closed it.
As if there weren’t enough political books coming out this summefall, Michael Cohen is releasing his, called “Disloyal: A Memoir.” The following a couple of quick takeaways:
Cohen says that he, Trump, Aras Agalarov, Emin Agalarov, and others, watched a strip show in Las Vegas where one performer simulated peeing on another performer, who pretended to drink it. Trump reportedly reacted with “delight.” Aras Agalarov, a Russian real estate mogul, is a trusted associate of Putin and reportedly served as a liaison between Trump and the Russian president during Trump’s trip to Moscow.
WaPo:
On Russia, Cohen writes that the cause behind Trump’s admiration of Russian President Vladimir Putin is simpler than many of his critics assume. Above all, he writes, Trump loves money — and he wrongly identified Putin as “the richest man in the world by a multiple.” Trump loved Putin, Cohen wrote, because the Russian leader had the ability “to take over an entire nation and run it like it was his personal company — like the Trump Organization, in fact.”
...According to Cohen, Trump’s sycophantic praise of the Russian leader during the 2016 campaign began as a way to suck up and ensure access to the oligarch’s money after he lost the election. But he claims Trump came to understand that Putin’s hatred of Democratic nominee Hillary Clinton, dating to her support for the 2011 protest movement in Russia, could also help Trump amass more power in the United States.

USPS & mail voting

According to a Washington Post report yesterday, Postmaster Louis DeJoy engaged in campaign money laundering, also called a straw-donor scheme, at his former logistics business. Five of his former employees told WaPo that they were “urged” to donate to politicians in North Carolina and would be paid back through bonuses from DeJoy. Such a plan would allow DeJoy to illegally circumvent campaign donation limits.
“Louis was a national fundraiser for the Republican Party. He asked employees for money. We gave him the money, and then he reciprocated by giving us big bonuses,” said David Young, DeJoy’s longtime director of human resources, who had access to payroll records at New Breed from the late 1990s to 2013 and is now retired.
“He would ask employees to make contributions at the same time that he would say, ‘I’ll get it back to you down the road,’ ” said [another] former employee.
...A Washington Post analysis of federal and state campaign finance records found a pattern of extensive donations by New Breed employees to Republican candidates, with the same amount often given by multiple people on the same day. Between 2000 and 2014, 124 individuals who worked for the company together gave more than $1 million to federal and state GOP candidates. Many had not previously made political donations, and have not made any since leaving the company, public records show.
More than one million mail-in ballots were sent late to voters during the 2020 primary elections, an audit by the USPS IG’s office determined. Most of the ballots were late, the USPS says, because local election boards sent the ballots to voters at the last minute. Official press release.
[The audit] found the problems during primaries had been most pronounced in Kentucky and New York, where a combined 628,000 ballots were sent out late. In 17 states, the audit found, more than 589,000 ballots were sent from election boards to voters after the state’s ballot mailing deadline. In 11 states, more than 44,000 ballots were sent from election boards to voters the day of or the day before the state’s primary election.
One particularly troubling situation, auditors found, unfolded in Pennsylvania, where 500 ballots were sent to voters the day after the election.
Furthermore, only 13% of the ballots were mailed with the recommended bar code tracking technology.
Florida Rep. Debbie Wasserman Schultz (D) was blocked from attending two scheduled tours of USPS facilities last week. Local Postal Service officials informed her and union leaders waiting to accompany her into the building that national USPS leadership had directed them to bar the group from the building. A Postal Service spokeswoman said they simply needed more notice for a tour.
Many states, including important battleground states, are not legally permitted to process mail-in/absentee ballots until Election Day, leading to concern that results will be delayed by days or weeks. For instance, in Pennsylvania, Wisconsin, and Michigan election officials cannot even begin processing ballots until Election Day. Processing involves opening envelopes, flattening ballots to run through the scanning machine, and prepping for the scanning.
"When voters have to wait so long for results, it erodes trust in the process and leaves room for partisan bad actors to dispute the will of the people," said Amber McReynolds, CEO of the National Vote at Home Institute, a nonprofit organization.
AG Bill Barr made three stunning false claims about mail voting during an interview with Wolf Blitzer last week. First, Barr wouldn’t even acknowledge that voting twice is a crime - because just hours earlier, Trump encouraged his North Carolina supporters to vote twice to “test” the state’s mail-in voting system (clip).
BLITZER: It sounds like he’s encouraging people to break the law and try to vote twice.
BARR: It seems to me what he’s saying is, he’s trying to make the point that the ability to monitor this system is not good. And it was so good, if you tried to vote a second time you would be caught if you voted in person.
BLITZER: That would be illegal if they did that. If somebody mailed in a ballot and then actually showed up to vote in person, that would be illegal.
BARR: "I don't know what the law in the particular state says.”
BLITZER: You can’t vote twice.
BARR: "I don't know what the law in the particular state says.”
Then, Barr tried to assert that foreign countries could fake ballots, but when challenged he admitted he had no evidence (clip).
BLITZER: You’ve said you were worried that a foreign country could send thousands of fake ballots, thousands of fake ballots to people that it might be impossible to detect. What are you basing that on?
BARR: I’m basing — as I’ve said repeatedly, I’m basing that on logic.
BLITZER: Pardon?
BARR: Logic.
Finally, Barr cited a supposed incident of mail-in voting fraud in Texas. Too bad it doesn’t exist.

The payroll

Charles Rettig, the Trump-appointed IRS Commissioner who has refused to release President Trump’s tax returns, has made hundreds of thousands of dollars renting out Trump properties while in office. Rettig makes $100,000 - $200,000 a year from two units at Trump International Waikiki. When first nominated, Rettig failed to disclose his financial ties to Trump Waikiki. When questioned by Congress, he did not directly answer concerns about the properties.
CREW: With Trump’s name removed from some buildings as it began to hurt property values, we can only imagine how toxic it would become if a bombshell in his tax returns were released. Which means the IRS Commissioner has a vested interest in the success of the Trump brand—and of preventing anything that could damage it.
Voice of America staffers say Trump appointee Michael Pack is threatening to wash away legal protections intended to insulate their news reports from political meddling. Since arriving, Pack has fired the network's leaders, pushed out agency executives, refused to approve allotted budgets, and refused to renew visas for foreign employees.
  • Further reading: “Deleted Biden video sets off a crisis at Voice of America,” Politico.
Pack suggested the staff he fired and foreign journalists he essentially kicked out may have been foreign spies, without offering any evidence to support his claim. A group of 14 senior VOA journalists are openly disputing his explanation:
“Mr. Pack has made a thin excuse that his actions are meant to protect national security, but just as was the case with the McCarthy ‘Red Scare,’ which targeted VOA and other government organizations in the mid-1950s, there has not been a single demonstrable case of any individual working for VOA — as the USAGM CEO puts it — ‘posing as a spy,’ ” they wrote.
The White House is searching for a replacement for Federal Trade Commission Chair Joe Simons, a Republican who has publicly resisted President Donald Trump’s efforts to crack down on social media companies. Simons, a veteran antitrust lawyer, cannot legally be removed by the president except in cases of gross negligence. But the White House has already interviewed at least one candidate for the post.
  • RELATED: The Justice Department plans to bring an antitrust case against Google as soon as this month, after Attorney General William P. Barr overruled career lawyers who said they needed more time to build a strong case.
Richard Grenell, formerly the highest-ranking out gay official in the Trump administration, has joined a law firm founded by Pat Robertson that has a history of opposing LGBTQ+ rights. Grenell also recently joined the Republican National Committee to do outreach to LGBTQ+ voters.
The Trump administration has quietly named a new acting State Department inspector general. Matthew Klimow, the U.S. ambassador to Turkmenistan since mid-2019, is the third acting IG since Trump and Pompeo ousted Senate-confirmed IG Steve Linick in May.
Mick Mulvaney, Trump’s current special envoy to Northern Ireland, former Chief of Staff, and former acting head of the Consumer Financial Protection Bureau, is starting a hedge fund focused on financial services regulation. Ethics experts say Mulvaney explicitly using his knowledge of CFPB to place bets for and against companies gives him an unfair and perhaps illegal advantage.

Court and DOJ matters

Court cases
The Trump administration must, for now, stop winding down in-person counting efforts for the 2020 census, a federal judge in California ordered.
The three-judge panel hearing a challenge to Trump’s new anti-immigrant census policy seemed hostile to the government’s arguments in a hearing last week.
A federal judge has stopped the Trump administration from enforcing a rule change that would let health care providers deny medical services to LGBTQ patients on the grounds of religion.
Justice Department
Federal prosecutors are preparing to charge longtime GOP fundraiser Elliott Broidy in connection with efforts to influence the U.S. government on behalf of foreign interests. Broidy helped raise millions for Donald Trump’s election and the Republican Party.
Barr ordered another round of changes to FISA rules, tightening the use of government surveillance on political candidates or their staffers — a move conservatives will likely cheer, as they have long criticized how the FBI investigated the Trump campaign in 2016.
Before conducting physical searches or wiretaps of a federal election official, members of the official's staff, candidates for federal office, or their staff or advisers, the FBI must now consider giving them a "defensive briefing," to tell them that they could be the target of foreign influence.
submitted by rusticgorilla to Keep_Track [link] [comments]


ROOM RAIDERS (gay dating show) - WILL episode - YouTube The Top 4 Gay Social Dating Apps! - YouTube Caffmos Community - Login into your account - YouTube ANOTHER CRINGEY GAY DATING SHOW FROM 2006 - YouTube GAY DATING APPS  Is It Really Worth It? - YouTube Leather Gay - YouTube Stars You Didn't Know Were In Gay Relationships - YouTube Gay Dating in the Middle East - YouTube GAY DATING vs STRAIGHT DATING - YouTube The Issue with Gay Dating - YouTube

Gay Senior Dating with SilverSingles: Finding a Real ...

  1. ROOM RAIDERS (gay dating show) - WILL episode - YouTube
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